How can I get better at small talk? originally appeared on Quora - the knowledge sharing network where compelling questions are answered by people with unique insights.
Answer by James Altucher, blogger, author, social media, wall street investor, on Quora:
I want to get better at small talk. Which means, I guess, avoiding the uncomfortable silence when two people are standing close to each other and vaguely know each other.
Bad small talk is this: "the weather is bad today." Or, "busy day today?" Or, "can't wait until this election is over".
Small talk takes an uncomfortable situation and stuffs it back into that tiny area of our brain we often call "the comfort zone".
A) People are complex. So it's ok to talk about complex things.
B) It's also ok to be silent.
But both of those things are uncomfortable. To get good at both things you have to be able to be good at improvisation. And you have to be able to get good at slightly stepping outside of your comfort zone.
Note: it's not a big step. There are layers of discomfort outside of the comfort zone. This is maybe the simplest.
Here's what I will practice:
A) Asking people on an elevator what their weight is.
B) Complimenting people on the street about their clothing but be very specific: ("I love the lapel on that dress.") And do it with everyone on the street.
C) Don't be annoying about it but when someone asks me how my day is going, give at least a drop of a real answer. ("Well, this deal I am working on could be better but hopefully today good things will happen.")
D) When holding the door open for someone, ask their name. A name has power. Like Rumplestiltskin. If someone gives you the code to their inner life (their name), then that's not small talk.
E) In a conversation with someone, ask a question and be silent as long as possible. Sometimes we're happily chatting along, and suddenly we realize: Uh-oh, awkward silence.
This is a great moment to practice. See how long you can make the awkward silence last.
F) Go up to people and ask to take their picture. I've been doing this for a bit over the past few months. It's difficult. I am getting better at it, but it never gets easy.
G) People relate to each other not when they share the weather but when they share vulnerabilities. So next time there is a chance for small talk, share the worst thing that has happened to me recently (although not in a complaining way) and then say, "how about you?"
H) Give someone a two dollar bill and ask them if they two ones for it.
I) Watch a lot of standup comedy. Those guys are the best at improvisation. Learn from them.
J) Tell a story of who the person reminds you of. The other day I was in a business meeting. There was small talk. But one of the people reminded me of someone else, and I wanted to say something but never did. It could have opened up a whole new way of relating to the person rather than just small talk.
The idea of all of this not to get better at small talk. But to make more interactions in life meaningful to you.
Life is disorder. Life is chaos. That's what makes it so wonderful. To rebel a little against the order that society tries to clamp down on us.
Small talk is a prison of words. To break free will unleash the mind and the imagination. Will be fun and create laughter. And, if I'm lucky, will make me a friend.
This question originally appeared on Quora - the knowledge sharing network where compelling questions are answered by people with unique insights. You can follow Quora on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+.
More questions:
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.