How Embracing My Inner Nerd Led Me to Find My Divine Self

Most of my friends don't believe this, but my childhood friends know. Growing up, I was a nerd. I was shy, teacher's pet, valedictorian in elementary school, terrified of boys; and I was most comfortable when I had my nose in a book.

I loved Neil Diamond, Don Henley, Bon Jovi and Christopher Cross. I didn't dare tell anyone, because I knew they might laugh at my eccentric taste in music. And tease me, many did. I was told I was too skinny. They teased my long neck. They teased the moles on my face... I had them way before Cindy Crawford made girls want to draw them on. I felt awkward throughout those times -- not because I didn't feel comfortable being me, but because, according to the world of teenagers, I was supposed to want to belong to a clan; but I didn't fit in with any one group; nor did I want to.

I liked individuals as they were, and I wasn't keen on belonging to a particular tribe to feel accepted. I embraced my awkward self, in all my wacky splendor. I enjoyed discovering myself. I liked having friends from different groups -- athletes, goths, popular kids, band kids and the artsy types - and since I didn't belong to any one clique, I picked up friends like me -- who didn't give a rat's ass about what other people thought of them.

It was lonely at times. I'd tell my Dad that I didn't understand why kids were so mean. He told me words that stuck with me forever. He said, "march to the beat of your own drum, that's how leaders are made. Don't follow the pack." He told me that leaders are different, but that difference made them unique, and to continue being me, because I was a leader and someday, I'd figure out my 'why." I thought Daddy was on crack, but I thanked him anyway. Years later, it became apparent he was right. Things I thought were eccentricities ended up being gifts that enable me to understand and love a variety of people. Here's what I have come to find divine and love about my nerd self:

•I am extremely sensitive. As a child, I would feel others' feelings. If someone was sad, I would feel the same, or if I heard a certain song, I'd feel it so deeply that I would cry. I learned that I was an empath, someone who is highly sensitive to the energy and emotions of others. I learned to depend on my "feelings" to guide me, and to trust myself. Being able to "feel" people, gave me an insight into who they were, despite who they were being. I could "see" them. Everybody wants to be seen. It helped me develop bonds on a soul level, and for me, that's where real connection begins..

•I am deeply introspective. My shyness led me to sit on the outskirts looking in, so I observed human behavior and psychology. I learned how to maneuver situations. I got to study myself, who and why I was. I learned to love my own company. I was a pretty cool chick. Because I hid behind books, I met really interesting people, many of whom I never met. I met Russian princesses, mythical animals who could talk. I met Anne Frank, who taught me the power of the spirit. Anne of Green Gables taught me that it was okay to be a rebel. I read every one of Grimm's Fairy Tales. I read Reader's Digest and Time. I read Voltaire, Machiavelli, Plato, devoured the classics. All these gave me a lot to talk about with anyone. If I'm quiet, it's because I don't feel like talking, and not for a lack of opinions or things to say.

•I didn't mind sticking out. I knew there was something different about me, and these things would come in handy, so I needed to protect them. Years later, my life is a mosaic of wonderful people I've collected, who embrace their eccentricity too. They don't fit into a mold. They're wacky and wonderful. Being different makes me good at what I am best at - being me. Now that I have a teenage daughter, I tell her to "do you" too.

My point is this - the things you find weird about you are your gifts. Lean into them. There is work on this Earth that only you were born to do, and you won't do it fitting in. On a deeper level, people are hurting themselves and each other every day, over differences and preconceptions. People fight wars and lives are destroyed over judgments of others. Here's the deal - the power lies in each of us. When we accept ourselves, when we connect to Source Energy and realize that we are Higher Power expressing ourselves in a human body, we connect to our divinity; and, seeing God in ourselves allows us to recognize God in others.