I saw Moonlight for the first time at the beginning of its initial run in theaters, last fall. I walked into a screening of the movie with every intention of reviewing it. I walked out having been profoundly moved, forever changed, and temporarily muted. I simply couldn’t find the words to describe the movie.
I’d not felt that way after seeing a film since Precious, another film with honest, gritty performances, flawed, human characters that commanded my attention, and a character arc that left me literally exhausted and speechless. I felt the same way after seeing Monster’s Ball and, to a somewhat lesser extent, Dreamgirls.
In all of those prior cases, the films went on to win Academy Awards that I had accurately predicted. In the case of Monster’s Ball, I told friends that if Halle Berry had not gone on to win the Oscar for Best Actress, it would have been due to racism in the industry. Berry’s performance, particularly a critical scene during which her character is dealing with loss, earned that trophy.
Similarly, after watching Moonlight, I called Mahershala’s Oscar, the screenplay award, and the Oscar for Best Picture. I knew if Moonlight did not win on Oscar night, homophobia — not racism — would have been the primary culprit.
I decided against writing a review of Moonlight, even after a prominent publication requested one, and initially I wasn’t sure why. At the time, I told myself that I had been so moved by Moonlight that I could not find the words to describe the film. That is somewhat true, and to be honest, I am still struggling with that. The movie, overall for me, is about acceptance, of ourselves and of others, as a young black man tries to come to terms with his own identity, place in the world, and sexual orientation.
I don’t cry easily in movies, but one Moonlight scene literally evoked tears, during which Ali’s character teaches the young Chiron how to swim, before he offering advice on self-acceptance that we all could use, independent of sexual orientation. I was reminded of my dad teaching me to swim decades ago, and our subsequent conflicts regarding my own sexual orientation years later.
While Moonlight undoubtedly muted me, I dug a little deeper and realized that I had not written a initial review of the film due to my own internalized homophobia. As a bisexual black man, I was worried that my glowing endorsement of the film would not be taken seriously. Now, looking back to last fall, I am not proud of that moment. In a sense, Moonlight — or my visceral reaction to it — steered me back into the closet — at least professionally — for a hot minute.
As Oscar night approached, I held on to my belief that the film should be awarded Best Picture, even as the industry and many of my friends rallied behind La La Land. When that film was mistakenly announced the Best Picture winner, my heart sank as I pondered my relative silence about Moonlight. Seconds later, I thankfully learned along with the rest of the viewing audience that Moonlight had in fact been voted Best Picture.
An independent film, made for $1.5 million, about gay black men, had been awarded the Oscar for Best Picture.
That’s quite a journey from Brokeback Mountain being shut out of the Oscars a decade or so ago, from last year’s #OscarsSoWhite, and from the Wayans’ garish “Men On Film” parody on Fox TV’s In Living Color. Don’t get it twisted: there’s still a lot of work to do — but that’s quite a journey, and quite an accomplishment for the Moonlight team.
Curiously, even after the Oscars, the overwhelming majority of media coverage on the awards ceremony centered around the mistake made in the presentation of Best Picture, instead of on the brilliance of the Best Picture awardee. Maybe I was on to something about homophobia in Hollywood distancing people from the film. Amazingly, Moonlight is the first film with an all-black cast to be awarded Best Picture, Ali is the first Muslim to win an Oscar for acting, and Jenkins is only the fourth black director to earn an Oscar nomination for his work. It is also one of the lowest-grossing Best Picture honorees in history, but the vast majority of media decided instead to focus on how “gracious” and “classy” the La La Land folks were when they learned they’d not actually won the biggest award of the night.
Now, as I raise a glass to Moonlight’s cast and its director, Barry Jenkins, and as I download the film into my iMovie library, I prepare to revisit one of the most powerful movies I have ever seen. I told you I had been changed the first time around. Why? Simply because I had never seen a leading character that so closely resembled me, or the story of so many LGBT men of color told in such an honest, moving way. Both “Chiron” and “Kevin” look and act a heck of a lot more like me than a singing, dancing Ryan Gosling, or most other leading movie characters in Hollywood’s history.
See this stunning film and this year’s Best Picture winner, and do me a favor: while you are watching it, think of me, and every other African American LGBT man, like those in your family, church, or neighborhood. After seeing Moonlight, you may never see us in the same way again.
Follow Michael P Coleman on Twitter: @ColemanMichaelP.