“You have terminal cancer.”
“We can treat it, but it is likely to return in 6 months.”
How the hell do you pick yourself up off the floor when you hear those two sentences? I’m about to tell you how. In fact, I’m going to share some important lessons on being a fighter. You are about to walk away with life changing tools that will forever change the way you live, the way you treat others, and, maybe most importantly, the ways in which you fight your own personal demons.
Lauren Lopez, 30 years old, is the ultimate warrior. At 24 years old she was diagnosed with cervical cancer caused by HPV, a non-genetic cancer that any female is potentially susceptible to. She had no symptoms when she was diagnosed. The cancer was found during a routine visit to her OBGYN. Two surgeries later, she was told the cancer was gone.
Two years later, in 2015, the cancer returned. Again, no symptoms. It was found during a routine visit. This time, the cancer was much more aggressive, causing Lopez to undergo a complete hysterectomy and a series of chemo therapy and radiation. She once again beat it. Until about a month ago when a doctor delivered what would seem to many people, the most devastating diagnoses ever.
What I’ve learned about Lopez in the last thirty days is that warriors come in all shapes and sizes. In this case, our fighter, weighing in at 100 pounds soaking wet, with Audrey Hepburn beauty and Muhammad Ali grit, has little fear as she continues to battle for her life once again. If anyone thinks this girl is going down, they’ve got another thing coming. We live in a world where everyone must face a fearsome dragon of some sort in his or her life, so I recently sat down with Lauren Lopez to find out what it takes to be a warrior.
Small Disciplines: No matter what type of shit you are dealing with in life, Lopez says that there are a handful of useless coping techniques that will make zero difference in your fight: crying, whining, and complaining being the biggest three. She says that being a warrior requires that you develop small disciplines that do make a difference in your fight. For example, Lopez says that she makes it a point to find something she’s grateful for, something to look forward to, and something to laugh about every single day. She says it’s not always easy to do, but if you practice it every single day, eventually it becomes a habit. She says that being happy, even when you are facing major health issues, is a choice. She says that if you face your enemy, in this case stomach cancer, filled with anger at the unfairness, you will lack the mental clarity essential to beating the beast. If, on the other hand, you look at the beast as a force that makes you stronger, smarter, and happier, you diminish its power over you.
The Gift of Cancer: Lopez says that in many ways, cancer has been a gift. During her second run at beating cancer in 2015, she decided to work on making herself professionally better while she went through her treatments. She had been working as retail manager for a luxury store in Boston for six years. She didn’t like the job and had dreamed of someday trying real estate. When she was diagnosed in 2015, she started reading books on real estate, then looked into getting her license. Mere days after she received news that the cancer was once again in remission, she passed her license exam and began building her real estate business. She says that in many ways, cancer has been a gift. It has pushed her to do things now instead of waiting for some remote future date, like getting her real estate license. As well, her illness has made her realize that everyone you run into is dealing with their own personal demons, and so, instead of getting easily annoyed at people, she has become aware of their struggles and is more forgiving. She says the gift of cancer has allowed her more time to be at home, where she is helping to raise her husband’s twelve-year-old half-brother who she cares about deeply. She also says that the gift of cancer has given her the opportunity to form deep and meaningful relationships with close friends, friendships that may have gotten lost in her very busy life if she hadn’t been forced to slow down a bit during treatment and recovery.
Keep Your Head in the Game: Although she is still helping a handful of people in her real estate business, most of her time is now spent on her full-time job of getting well again. To do this she says that she’s intensely focused each day on feeding her brain with productive thoughts and energy. She meditates every morning. She reads books that uplift her and offer advice on recovery, like Love, Medicine, and Miracles by Bernie Siegel, which she recommends to anyone, even if they aren’t sick. She says it’s full-time work just keeping your thoughts straight, but vitally important to a successful outcome. Recently, Lauren’s doctor was scheduling out doctor visits for the next 12 months, and for a quick second she thought, “Should I really be booking an appointment for a year from now?” Lauren says that just as quickly as the though popped in her head, she quickly threw it in her mental trash by telling herself, “Hell yah! I’m booking that appointment!” In fact, she has visions of joking with her doctor five years from now, “Remember, Doc, that time five years ago, when you told me I had terminal cancer!!” Lopez says cancer is a game of mental toughness and she has every intention of winning.
Deep Connectedness to Strangers: Lopez says that if there’s one thing she’s noticed as a cancer patient, it is that she has a deep connectedness to strangers. She says that there’s nothing more rewarding than seeing someone finish their final chemo treatment. Lauren says that when she witnesses someone’s last treatment, she feels pure elation for that person because she understands how hard the fight has been to get to that point. She says it’s kind of surreal to have such a deep love for other people who are fighting the same fight. In that same vein, Lauren says, when she’s undergoing treatment at the hospital, she does her best to laugh, smile, and stay upbeat, because she believes there is an interconnectedness of everyone on the floor. Their laughter, energy, and fight is all connected, everyone helping one another to win their personal wars. Lauren says she wants people to look at her in the chemotherapy infusion room and say to themselves, “If she can be happy, I can be too!”
It’s a Family Disease: If you have a friend or family member fighting cancer, Lopez says that there are a few things you probably need to know. First, if your sick friend takes time in responding to your concerns, remember there are lots of people that need updating along the way. Second, Lopez wants everyone to realize that cancer is a family disease. She says that the greatest kind of support she appreciates is when people offer to take her husband or mom out for a night. Lopez says that to someone who wants to offer support, it may seem less rewarding to help the patient’s caretaker, but in the eyes of the patient, it’s a huge gift. Lopez says that she is surrounded by the best professionals in the world who are taking care of her, but the ones that really need a little extra help are her husband and mother, who take on the brunt of extra work due to the illness.
Where will Lauren Lopez be a decade from now? Flipping real estate, raising a family, and building a fitness business that specializes in helping cancer patients since studies have shown exercise improves the body’s reaction to lifesaving treatments. Might life offer some twists, turns, and struggles, along the way for Lauren Lopez? No doubt. But if cancer has taught her anything, it is that there is nothing that this warrior can’t handle.