Google defines a microaggression as "a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority."
Okay, we all make mistakes and have that "oops!" moment. We are all socialized and have implicit bias. Sometimes, it comes out in our language and it is offensive. When we look behind our words, we might realize that we don't actually believe the bias behind our words. When this "oops" moment happens, don't worry. You can fix it.
(For examples of microaggressions see here).
Here are some tips to keep in mind when trying to repair your relationship.
1. Know the difference between intent and impact.
Everyone knows you didn't mean to hurt their feelings. What is more important than saying, "I never meant to..." is to acknowledge that words have an impact that is separate from your intent. The purpose of your apology is to take responsibility for your impact. Your words should reflect that.
2. Throw away your defenses.
If you really are apologizing, you need to throw out your defensiveness. It is not about you. It is about the impact your words had on a colleague, parent, friend, spouse or stranger.
If the other person senses defensiveness then your apology will appear less genuine. This takes some practice and is worthwhile to be aware of when it comes up.
3. Put together your apology.
Depending on what you said, you may not even know if offense was taken. Or maybe you said something cringe-worthy that obviously necessitates an apology.
Below is a template you can work from:
"Hey there, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second. The other day I said something that I think was offensive. I have thought about it and want to apologize to you. I know my words have an impact and I am sorry for the impact they made on you. I value our friendship/relationship/camaraderie and want you to know I am aware of what I said, I take responsibility for it and am working on it."
4. Move forward.
No need to go back and keep addressing it. Just work on improving that relationship whether it is at work or at home.
It is possible that your apology is not accepted. Take comfort that you tried and did the right thing by addressing the issue in the first place. Give it time. Your future actions will show your commitment to addressing your implicit bias.
5. Find a friend.
In addressing our unconscious assumptions, mentorship is helpful. Find someone you feel "safe" with and who has a solid understanding of microaggressions and implicit bias. Have conversations with them on these topics to increase your knowledge, challenge yourself and check your bias. It is the best and most interactive way to grow.
6. A message from The Berenstain Bears.
Like Mama Bear said: "It's never too late, to correct a mistake."
You have the power of language! Move past your embarrassment or nervousness to repair that bridge.
This article previously appeared on Boundless Awareness.
Pooja Kothari is the Founder of Boundless Awareness, providing a safe, structured space to explore the intersectionality of race, gender, sexuality and many other biases.
Ellevate Network is a global women’s network: the essential resource for professional women who create, inspire and lead. Together, we #InvestInWomen.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.