This is the time of year when we begin our holiday travels. We may be fighting crowds at the airport or expecting family in town ourselves. The scenario is familiar: We are comfortable and relaxed around the warm fire and then the questions begin to flow. “When will you settle down?” Our family and friends may not intend any harm (and most likely don’t), but the seemingly innocent questions can come off like an interrogation. “You’re so great, why are you still single?”... can be a huge backhanded compliment.
Like I say often, don’t worry, because we have all experienced this.
“Why are you still single?”, they ask.
Here are some responses:
1.) “I actually want to be single.” This is a very important statement, and it is one that you must decide for yourself. There is nothing wrong with finding the fulfillment in career, friends, and travel. Own the depth of the moments with the amazing people that ARE in your life rather than this imaginary person that doesn’t exist.
2.) “I’m happy being single.” Yes, believe it or not, I’m happy taking this trip alone. I don’t mind filling my own schedule and crushing it at work/school/etc. I can be my own best friend and also have the camaraderie of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. I enjoy being able to take spontaneous trips and not have to check in with anyone. Is being single slowing Oprah down? (I could fill this list out with about 10,001 other reasons.)
3.) “I don’t want to have a failed relationship.” In today’s instant gratification, microwave culture, we want the something or someone that will bring us ultimate happiness, immediately. Rushing headlong into this scenario is the perfect recipe for a loveless, stale, marriage or relationship. We live with a 52% divorce rate and a large portion of the remaining percent are fundamentally unhappy. This is very easily prevented: work on yourself first. I’m going to choose me rather than society telling me I need to find someone.
If you are single than you are in a kick-ass position of power. You are the director, producer, and editor of your entire life. Now is the time to work on your career, mental well-being, and betterment.
It’s choosing a partner, not choosing the chemicals that fire off in our lizard brains. You wouldn’t choose that in business or any other domains. With any new project or venture I embark on, I carefully curate the team that I hire.... and they’re not even the one I am going home to at night! You shouldn’t frivolously choose a partner to fill a void. What I mean, is that it’s ok to take the time to figure things out. In fact, you need to.
You need to find someone who agrees with you on money handling and finances, religion, children, where you want to live, just to begin. If you aren’t running on the same trajectory, you aren’t going to make appropriate long-term partners at all.
These things take time to figure out, and you should not fall prey to guilt trip or a hurried haphazard relationship. This holiday season, do not veer away from honesty and transparency with your loved ones.
Devon Kerns is a Dating and Business Coach. You can find more insightful content from Devon at devonkerns.rocks. Follow Devon on Facebook, Twitter, and Soundcloud. Find out what you REALLY want in life and love.
