When I first imagined becoming a mother I thought I was ready for everything. I was ready for the change in my body, ready for nine months of bloated feet and heartburn, I was ready to give birth without any medication and breastfeed for well over a year. I was prepared for sleepless nights, spit up, diaper changing, a house full of toys, cheerios in every crevice of my car, and I was even prepared to have only a couple of date nights a year.
What I was not prepared for was feeling like a failure. It didn't happen right away. It was a slow burn. A notion that slowly crept in as my family expanded and my kids got older. The first time I noticed it was while feeling overwhelmed with a toddler and a baby both crying and needing my attention. All I could do was breathe deeply and hope the moment passed quickly.
By the time I had my third child, we moved into a new house and I had everything that I ever wanted. An awesome husband, three incredible boys, a nice house in a safe neighborhood and I even made friends with my neighbors. I decided to start working on my career again. I hadn't done anything for myself in so long and it was time to begin creating a life for myself beyond Motherhood. It is this very journey where I am discovering my shortcomings.
Juggling my home life along with my personal goals while starting a business as an entrepreneur has highlighted exactly where I am lacking in my own life. It seems that as long as I have everything under control, I feel great. Once certain aspects of my life fall by the wayside, I feel miserable.
- When I yell at my kids, I feel like a failure
When my husband can't find something because it's still in the wash, I feel like a failure When we have to get take-out because I've been busy working, I feel like a failure When I step on Lego that has been sitting on my living room floor for two days, I feel like a failure When my kids complain that I'm on the computer too much, I feel like a failure When my kids have more than one hour of screen time, I feel like a failureI could go on, but you get the picture. Motherhood puts everything about you to the test. It makes you question your values and forces you to be very clear on political, spiritual and social issues. It pushes your limits and then once you think you have it all figured out, it reveals a whole new set of challenges.
If you are reading this as a Mom, I am certain you are nodding in agreement. There is not one mother that I speak to on a one-on-one level that feels like she is nailing this motherhood thing. Does that mean we are all horrible mothers? Or have we set ourselves up to fail with our expectations of what Motherhood entails?
We all have different lives, experiences, values, and passions, yet somehow, everyone has the same warped image of the perfection that we are supposed to attain as Mothers. We strive to have spotless homes, be gourmet chefs, enroll our kids in as many extracurricular activities as possible and chauffeur everyone without complaint. We aspire to engage our children in learning activities as much as possible and never yell at our kids for fear of the long-term effect on their self-esteem.
How is that working for you? Personally, my inner critic has a field day with every instance that I fall short of those expectations.
Be the kind of mother you want to be without beating yourself up for not exemplifying the mother you think you should be. No one is the mother they think they should be. That Mom who you think has it all figured out? She is crying herself to sleep at night. That friend of yours that makes the perfect Pinterest recipes? She feels guilty for yelling at her kids to get out of the kitchen. We are all struggling. We all feel like failures.
So change the narrative. Make it opposite day, every day. When you feel like you've failed, it's a win. You are trying. You are present. You are showing your kids that it is OK to mess up, to not be perfect, to be messy some days and that there is nothing wrong with you if you break down and cry when you're overwhelmed. Here are 5 things to keep in mind during your daily challenges.
- Show them how to fail and they will not be afraid of failure.
Apologize for your mistakes and they will learn to be accountable for their actions. Get back up and try again and you will teach them how to succeed. Never give up and you will give them the foundation of resilience. Love yourself through all of life's challenges and you will empower them to love themselves no matter how much they screw up.There are no failures, only lessons. And if you're going to feed that crap to your kids, you need to believe it for yourself first.
You can find Patricia on Twitter and Facebook or you can check out her website Jump Start For Change
Patricia is the creator of the first ever Camp Mom, helping Moms ignite their inner spark through fun and learning. Join us for this epic summer event in Long Island, NY on July 30, 2016.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.