'I'm So Happy and Excited for You!'

Do you long to hear this from someone? Do you have that one friend? You know the one, the one that simply cannot be happy for anyone else. The one that refuses to congratulate you or your family member on anything! Whether it is an engagement, a book deal, a new home, weight loss, whatever. It doesn't really matter what the "it" is. This friend just doesn't like to celebrate anyone else's success or happiness.

I guess the real problem is that I refer to this person as a "friend." The truth is that if this person were a true friend, they would be happy to celebrate all of life's successes with you, big and small. The underlying truth is that this person probably claims to be your friend and expects you to be happy and celebrate their successes and accomplishments.

How do you handle that friend? I have one in my life. I've always made excuses. You know, first it was that they were immature. Then they were just busy or didn't hear the news. My husband is always the practical one. He reminds me that it really has nothing to do with me and all to do with them. Some people are jealous by nature and by celebrating someone else's success highlights the fact they may not have anything exciting going on in their lives. "Consider the source. Don't take it personally." That's my husband's mantra, the one he has had to use on me numerous times over the years.

I have heeded my husband's words and they help. But I also have gone the "distance route." Meaning, I have put a distance between this friend and me. By setting a boundary that drastically lessens my interactions with them, has been one of the healthiest decisions I've had to make. I have had to learn who to share things with and who not to. True friendship is one where both parties mutually celebrate each other's successes, and cry over each other's hurts and losses. That's the kind of friendships I have learned to value and cherish.

My advise to you, if you happen to be dealing with this kind of a friend, is...

1. Don't take it personal.

2. Go the "distance." Distance yourself from this person.

3. Surround yourself with true friends that will be there for you in the good, the bad, the sad and the crazy times!

4. Eat dessert first! (Ok, that has nothing to do with this. But life is too short and we rarely save room for dessert). Just saying!

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