In Good Company

As we get older, friendships become even more important. We pick and choose to keep those people in our lives that matter most, cull down the list of those that don't warrant the effort and maintain those that pass the test of time. And as life gets more complicated, we certainly do seem to get by with a little help from our friends (yea, I know you're now going to have that song stuck in your head for the rest of the day so #sorrynotsorry about that).

Because of their esteemed position in our eyes, the moment when we're ready to introduce friends to the people we're dating is of the utmost importance. Friends' opinions can be deal breakers. They help keep us honest and they'll likely be the first to tell us if the people we perceive as good matches are just not all that and a bag of chips (or, if they're actually pretty great). Introducing friends to romantic partners is scary as hell. That's why it's rare that I make this step before I'm damn near certain that the guy in question is worth keeping around.

In an uncharacteristic move, I decided that a guy I'd recently started (and shortly thereafter stopped) seeing might have been friend-meeting material. After a short five dates, I'd already met a few of his friends and he'd met one of mine. As I said, this is not my norm, so it was pretty intense for me to have allowed any meetings. But I threw caution to the wind and let fate have its way.

Our first co-friend get together went pretty well. I met up with him, a friend of his and a close friend of mine, for drinks at a bar. The evening was friendly and lighthearted. When chatting with said friend the next day, she gave him thumbs up and a green light that he seemed A-OK in her eyes. At this point in time, I had already begun to question a few things about our relationship but, as promised in my last blog, I was going to make every attempt to get out of my own way this year with dating, and he had enough positive going on that warranted my sticking around. I also know I have a bad habit of writing people off far too quickly. And so, armed by her seal of approval, I felt empowered that I was doing well on this new adventure.

Fast forward a few weeks and I had a chance to meet with a larger group of his friends and brought along another close girlfriend of mine as well. I know this friend is a tough critic, which actually makes her opinion that much more valuable. Well, let me just say that within five minutes of meeting him, she detested him. His cockiness, which I had tried to write off as confidence, came out in full force early on in the evening. He barely spent any time getting to know her or even interact with her. Without going into too many of the gory details, she found his behavior to be greatly lacking. After about an hour of shooting him icy looks (which he ironically didn't even notice) she kissed me on the cheek and politely told the group that she was tired and headed home.

Needless to say, the rest of the evening served as an unfortunate stage for the qualities about this guy that had already given me cause for pause. Fueled by the vehement disdain my friend had planted in my mind, it took every fiber of my being to not walk out the door right after her and instead, I endured another four hours of what was by this point tantamount to torture. By evening's end, I had made up my mind that this relationship was not to be and said adios to him the very next day.

Even as I write this, it may sound like I made a hasty decision to those who don't know me. But as often as I walk way from situations too quickly, I'm just as bad at knowing when the writing is on the wall and it's time to jump ship. My barometer for appropriate and inappropriate behavior from guys I'm dating is admittedly weak and sometimes, it requires the perspective of a close friend to set me straight. When viewed through her lens, actions that he had taken that seemed lacking in malice to my untrained eye, became glaring and egregious examples of how not to act when you're dating someone.

It's funny to take a step back and think about how much our friends' opinions truly count when we're determining if someone is a good fit and to that end, how much their feedback can sway us one way or the other. At the end of the day, I feel really lucky to have friends who are willing to set me straight if and when I need it.