It took a dying man to teach me how to live. Jake Ray was told at age twelve that he had cystic fibrosis and would not live to see his eighteenth birthday. Last month he turned forty. A few days later he peacefully passed away.
"Jake had an indomitable spirit and zest for life. He defied all the odds by having three transplanted lungs and a transplanted kidney, yet he never dwelt on his physical challenges. He remained brave, optimistic, humorous, and always attentive to his far reaching circle of friends," read a statement sent out by his family.
Jake was a rock star on the radio. From being an on air DJ in Houston, Seattle, and Atlanta to a morning show producer at HOT 97, the #1 urban radio station in America. He worked with Nick Cannon on WCBS and was nominated national Radio Producer Of The Year five times.
Jake is also the only guy I ever played Tic-Tac-Toe with against a chicken named Roxy. Of course, the chicken won. We were on a road trip and I had left him alone to go have breakfast; he returned babbling that he had found a chicken named Roxy that plays Tic-Tac-Toe. I figured he'd gone off the deep end until we saw a sign for the Casino.
I first met him when he was producing syndicated radio interviews for Wise Brother Media. His boss Bryan Crain introduced us, and we became instant friends.
In recent months after his second double lung and kidney transplant, Jake's health started to descend and it was a slow spiral down. His mom took over his email address to update friends, co-workers and loved ones. On Oct 18th she sent an urgent email asking everyone to send prayers. A global circle of people, all separately yet together, sent love and healing his way. Late on Oct 19th we received this simple and touching message:
"Please know how much each of you meant to him...Jake slipped away at 3:00 this morning."
The outpouring was immediate. It seemed Jake's inspiration for living each day like it was his last touched everyone he met. Many friends who had never known each other came forth with testimonial posts on his Facebook page and shared by email "Jake Moments" such as:
Tommy Calzada said:
"You beat the Hell out of those odds Jake, safe travels brother."
Andrew Hodges had this to say:
"I knew Jake even before we were in kindergarten. Can't remember a single time when he let life hold him down. What an inspiration on how to live life to the fullest!"
Tony Cortez wrote: "I was a little dorky kid in Austin Texas trying to finish high school. It was during those awkward pubescent years that I found you on 96.7 KHFI as the Big Kahuna. The things you did on that morning show kindled the flames of my current career. You made me laugh very hard. You made me want to do what you did, radio. So I pursued it, hard, because of you. I applied at KHFI and was hired in '96. Worked my way up and eventually found my self as the last Big Kahuna, morning show producer (there were four of them filling your shoes). I am still in radio and have been successfully involved for over eighteen years now. What you did mattered. You will be missed buddy."
All of these quotes are from men but Jake loved women. Many of his female friends and co-workers wrote about the crazy times they had with him. He married and divorced Lisa Rochette who is a one-of-a-kind, uniquely bright, loving, humorous, and patiently kind soul. I was never told why they chose to divorce. Because my own parents parted ways when I was eight, it was refreshing to hear how adjusted and accepting Jake was of the situation. He was so present and it takes a lot of love to let someone go, especially your best friend and partner in life.
On Dec 2, 2015 a group of us gathered in a place Jake would have approved, Hill Country in Manhattan. It's a Texas BBQ joint where meat is served on butcher paper in slabs by the pound. Jake took me there for the first of many food coma-inducing meals. His close friend Carl Bishop and I helped organized it. Jake would have approved. No testimonial videos, we opted instead to sit around and eat ribs, drink Texas beer and share stories. A number of his HOT97 radio colleagues came including Rosenberg, Shani Culture, Dominican Drew, and program director Ebro who said in passing that Jake's idea of happiness is "doing things the way YOU want to do them."
Many of his family and friends had already hosted a testimonial gathering back in Houston. Some sent messages from far and wide. Some friends like singer Bryan Kane were still too emotional to come to the New York gathering. He told me "Jake helped my band Bone Gunn organize and curate the songs for our next album. I still can't bring myself to even open the files yet and listen to the work he helped us with" said Kane.
We really don't know--any of us--how much time we have left. We really don't know how much someone means to us until they are gone. In his obituary, a friend said Jake is the strongest, toughest, sweetest guy he ever known. He predicts Jake is "making God laugh and smile right now."
Abraham Lincoln said, "In the end, it's the not number of years in your life that counts. It's the life in your years." It took a dying man named Jake Ray to truly teach me how to live.