The Jodi Arias trial has all the makings of a great movie -- sex, lies, and murder. All we need now is a star . . . and a carefully written script to save the project from anything but a XXX-rating.
Certainly, made-for-TV movie producers were licking their chops when the Casey Anthony trial became a national obsession.
Like Anthony, Arias has delivered a surplus of courtroom theatrics -- not to mention the nightly hand-wringing by Nancy Grace. And when Anthony took over America's television sets in 2011, the Lifetime cable network had one thing on its mind: A TV movie starring Rob Lowe by 2013.
Arias, a 32-year-old photographer, is accused of murdering her boyfriend, Travis Alexander, who was found in his bathroom, shot, and stabbed 27 times, with his throat slashed from ear to ear. At first she said she wasn't seeing him at the time of the murder. Then, she said that they were victims of a home invasion.
Now, she claims she was abused and killed him in self-defense.
One can only imagine how scenes will play out when the actress cast as Arias talks about bondage, sexting, and other tawdry matters, as the real Arias has testified about in open court, attempting to prove that she was intimidated and exploited by her boyfriend.
"To me sex is sex, they are just different ways to have sex," Arias said on her third day on the witness stand.
"And it seemed like Travis was, kind of — I don't know how to put it, but it seemed like he had the Bill Clinton version, whereas over here it seemed like oral and anal were also sex to me. But not for him."
GALLERY (Story continues below):
Even if the incredibly strange story is outside Lifetime's comfort zone, we at HuffPost Weird News are going ahead with our casting calls anyway.
Do you agree with our picks? Vote at the bottom or write-in your own Arias choice.
Jolie would be quick to respond to a "WANTED: Actress, plump lips, good with a knife and gun" casting call.
Her Tomb Raider action hero chops and penchant to perform her own stunts would be a big plus in depicting each of Arias' alibis, especially when she finally admits to slaying Alexander (Kevin James, maybe).
The only glitch, we think, would be the actress' attempt at delivering Arias' famous line, "If I was going to ever try to kill somebody, I would use gloves. I have plenty of them." The director may need to remind her that the word is "gloves," and not, "children."
One might imagine Kardashian would have difficulty shooting the scene where the court plays graphic recordings of Arias and Alexander (Vince Vaughn) having sex.
The real Arias was a bit embarrassed by the tape. Kardashian, of course, has never been embarrassed by anything.
Jerry Seinfeld's sitcom gal pal would probably play the trial strictly for laughs. We picture Arias' MySpace photos streaming while a voiceover from her Arizona Republic interview plays. In the recording, Arias asserts her innocence but offers vague explanations for the murder of Alexander (Rob Lowe).
If the reporter asks "Can you elaborate on, 'Yada, yada, yada?'" she might respond, "No, I can't... No scoop for you!"
Jodi Arias can sing. In fact, she competed successfully in an Arizona prison version of "American Idol." That opens the door for Swift, who, like Arias, is accustomed to having her sex life subjected to public debate. She might even be inspired to rename her recent hit, "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together... Because You're Dead."
Kanye West would probably revolt against this casting decision though. We imagine him boycotting the movie's premiere and taking to Twitter, declaring "EVERYBODY KNOWS CASEY ANTHONY HAD ONE OF THE BEST MURDER TRIALS OF ALL TIME."
We're giving Stewart a run at the role, but the Twilight star might have qualms with the scene where Arias testifies that she dated a vampire hunter (that happened, too). Stewart would probably also be livid when we cast Robert Pattinson as Alexander. But we can't resist -- that guy just shines in every role.
Lohan would most likely wholeheartedly take the part after hearing a majority of the film takes place in a courtroom. She'd also probably insist on playing Arias' sister, Angela, who, in reality, admitted that Arias lied in her "48 Hours" interview.
Now that we think about it, Lohan might be the best fit. After all, in the scene where Alexander (Jack Black, this time) allegedly has sex with a sleeping Arias, the actress would have to appear groggy and drugged out, or in Lohan-terms, normal.
We picked Garner specifically for the scene when Arias catches Alexander (Larry the Cable Guy) masturbating to pictures of underage boys, which she claimed in her testimony. Afterward, Arias said, she fled and threw up -- which would be easy for Garner to pull off because 95 percent of the time she's pregnant.
With Garner, though, comes Ben Affleck. We guess he'd be disgruntled about the scene when Arias' prosecutor tells her that he can't subpoena God. Affleck might try a lawsuit, arguing his name was used without permission. A judge, like the Academy, would ignore him.