Kristen Houghton
This Donald Trump issue of sexual assault is becoming a nightmare. And yes, under the umbrella of sexual assault, falls lip kissing and tongue thrusts from virtual strangers or even from ‘a friend of a friend of a friend.’ My editor here at HuffPost asked me to reprint my original article, Lip Kissing is Personal. Below is the article as it appeared in my column in twoday.com August of 2012.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a prude, God knows, nor am I a woman who doesn't enjoy a sexy, steamy kiss from my husband. I love kissing!
But I draw the line at being kissed on the lips by men I have just met, and feel that it's okay to plant one on me in greetings or good-byes, or from ‘friends of friends of friends of friends.’ It's a personal thing for me and all other women and it should be respected. Please, don't automatically assume that I want your lips pressed to mine! I don’t!
In social situations I have been kissed on the lips by men with full, not-so-clean beards, unknown men to whom I have just been introduced at a function, or an acquaintance's new boyfriend. Some of my husband’s colleagues have attempted a lip-lock but a quick, head-turn and hands pushed against their chests takes care of that. Weddings are the worst because, under the guise of intoxicated ‘fun,’ it is assumed that lip-locking is okay even if you don't know the other person at all. It's ‘friendly.’ Really?
Over the last few years I have gotten very good at head turning. If I sense that a man is zeroing in my lips in a ‘hi there’ or 'bye there,’ I can turn my head at the last minute so that his lips hit my cheek instead of his intended target. Unfortunately, there are times when I misjudge a man's intention and get the lips on lips surprise. And that annoys me no end. Who the hell gave you permission to do that? Certainly not me.
I have discussed this problem with friends and family; all feel the same way I do. I stand my ground on this point. They're my lips and I think I should be the one who has the final say over whose lips touch them.
A good example is a colleague's fiancé whom I met only briefly. At a dinner party a few months later this same guy walks over to where I'm standing, licks his lips and greets me with a lip lock that was way too personal for my tastes. When I objected, this lout had the nerve to laugh at my protest and say, "That's just the way I am. I like to kiss pretty women. Take it as a compliment."
I took it as inappropriate and a sexual assault.
If anyone feels I'm being anti-social or unfriendly, that's their problem. Do I have to carry a card that states, "Please don't kiss me on the lips unless you're invited to do so?" Come on now!
I find kissing to be sensuous, sexy, hot, erotic, orgasmic, etc. but only if I'm with the person by whom I want to be kissed. In its own way, kissing is like sex; it is certainly a prelude and part of the foreplay to the art of sex. There are people with whom you want to make love and those with whom you would rather not even shake hands. That says it all.
A person's lips are not public property. Don't trespass!
© 2016 copyright Kristen Houghton all rights reserved