What's that I hear in the brush? Could it be the rare Puff-Chested Supermodel bird (titanicus teutonicus)? The Grey-Bearded Make-It-Work bird (workius gunnias)? Or, dare I hope, the Designer With 'Issues' bird (backstorius dramaticus)?
Yes! They're all here! It's been such a wait, but I think it's Project Runway watchin' season!
Now, I used to recap Top Chef. My qualifications? Gluttony. The very qualification, perhaps, that would disqualify me from being any sort of blogger fit for Project Runway. But I've also been an avid watcher since the beginning. And while I've had some issues, perhaps, with choosing outfits for myself (see years 1987-1995) I've certainly been to Cattytown enough times to excoriate some hapless contestant every week: It's who I am. Which is to say, horrible. So, here I am: the blog bird (blogimas maximus horriblus).
So, I'll hop right in. After giving the designers some product-placement champers, Tim Gunn (with longer hair and looking thinner?) and Heidi (surprise! not pregnant!) tell the designers the first challenge -- basically just to create an outfit that shows who they are as designers. This is why I love this show -- it's a straight-forward but interesting challenge for the first week.
The designers have to run across Bryant Park to two tents decorated with fabrics from Mood, the fabric store, and take the fabrics they want. This provides the amazing scene of a pack of screaming designers running -- 'invading hordes' style -- to the tents.
There's simply too many of these designers to go into detail on all of them, but I'm going to point out the most interesting ones this week. Chris, who is a costume designer, has caught my eye. He seems amusing. Poor Chris has a few extra pounds on him and has to huff and puff his way, rather benignly, across the field. Honestly, he's so slow I expect him to stop and pick daises or take a nap. After arriving days later at the eviscerated tent, he says he actually has the fabric he wanted anyway. When life gives you lemons, says I!
Elisa is someone who deserves a mention. Because she's a nut. She proves this by taking a piece of silk chiffon and rubbing it in the grass of Bryant Park... a park in the middle of NYC. So she's probably rubbing it in bits of rat feces, cigarette butts, Shake Shack burgers and semen. Tim Gunn looks on in horror.
Another contestant who catches my eye - because I absolutely despise his haircut -- is Christian.
We also have a new Malarkey -- who wears a true eyesore of a hat the entire time. It's very distracting.
Essentially nothing too shocking happens this challenge -- Elisa creates a very, very strange dress with a giant tail of fabric -- in a very short time. After this, she takes a nap. The next day she does some crazy yoga moves. I predict her zen demeanor cracks one day and she flips big time. I can't wait, of course.
Someone also says my favorite line of the night; "Don't go into the fear box people. Don't go into the fear box! "
JUDGING:
Our judges are the usuals -- Heidi, Michael and Nina (I love you all!) and our guest judge, Monique Lhuillier. I think they should have saved her for a dress challenge -- or even the wedding dress challenge, which I do hope they have this year.
Top Three: Christian, who created a kind of puffy asymmetrical suit; Rami, who created an imppecably draped, one-shouldered dress (with a flower that Michael pointed out was a little bit "mother of the bride") and Victorya, who created my favorite outfit, a black frock that was kind of S&M-meets-1920s-garden-party.
Losing three: Ricky, the lingerie designer with the woeful toppers, who created a well-made but boring babydoll dress; Elisa, whose dress Heidi thought was "pooing fabric," and Simone, who I think is going home because she made something both boring and badly constructed. Apparently. What does Blogimus Maximus Horriblus know about seaming? My thoughts about seams usually extend just to hoping I will not pop them...which may or may not have happened once after dining at Schnack in Red Hook. Just saying.
Winner: Rami.
Loser: Simone.
I'm feeling pretty good about Simone being the one to go -- even if Ricky was boring, it seems like he has skill, and Elisa is certainly going to be amusing. Either way I think this is going to be a great season.
Bring on the tears! Bring on the drama!
Project Runway, you wear it well!