By now, you've most likely watched and listened to the video of now-former Rutgers head basketball coach Mike Rice abusing his players. He throws basketballs at them; he grabs, shoves and kicks; and he makes numerous condescending and inflammatory remarks.
In response to this behavior, Rutgers' Athletic Director Tom Pernetti suspended Rice for three games and fined him $75,000 in December. Within 24 hours of the video's airing, Rice was fired -- and some think Pernetti should lose his job as well. To me, though, this story is more about why a coach would act in this manner and why Rutgers -- including the players and assistant coaches -- would put up with it.
Here, then, are five surprising lessons we can learn from this disturbing situation.
1. Bullies rarely understand their own feelings.
Mike Rice made the common mistake of attributing his own feelings of insecurity and anger to the performance of his players. Like all bullies, his dysfunctional behavior was the result of blaming others for his feelings rather than being accountable for them.
2. Looking outside oneself for the cause of distress amplifies that distress.
Because feelings spring from our thoughts, not from external factors, looking to circumstances or other people to explain our own negative feelings of disappointment, frustration, or anger will only perpetuate the distress.
3. A person's mindset creates his or her reality.
According to reports, there were many practices where Rice did not act in the manner shown on film in spite of his team's sloppy play. When Rice's mood is high, he cares and understands. When low, he judges and demeans. Knowing that one's perceptions and feelings about others are based on the variability of one's own thinking and mindset is the key to pulling back when desperate -- and going like gangbusters when inspired.
4. Human beings are wired for compassion.
Why didn't Pernetti fire Rice in December, and why didn't the players and assistant coaches blow the whistle on Rice much earlier? One reason is that the human mind is built to take contaminated thinking out and replace it with compassion and love. Regardless of what happens on the outside, everyone's mindset is wired to default to clarity, and when clear, human beings instinctively find the good and discard the bad. Unlike the public who only witnessed the dysfunction, those closest to Rice experienced both sides of his personality and found hope in the pleasant side.
5. Telling people how to behave or buying into the edicts of a culture won't lead to productive behavior.
Mike Rice has been around sports his whole life. He's been told how to act and what to do as an athlete and coach. However, all this outside-in conditioning does is thwart one's instincts and free will. I'm not excusing errant behavior, but with free will and instincts thwarted that's what you get.
The same goes for the players, assistant coaches, and others who didn't stand up to the bullying (not surprisingly, Rutgers also didn't perform well on the court). Again, adhering to the edicts of culture binds a person's thinking, thwarts free will, and creates followers who aren't capable of coming through in the big moment.
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Remember: The degree to which people fully understand that they are guided by the up and down nature of their thinking -- not by the up and down nature of their life -- will result in their ability to lead giving and successful lives no matter the circumstances.
Individuals like Mike Rice who don't realize that they feel they're thinking, and nothing else, will often behave errantly. No one likes to feel insecure or angry, but Rice blamed his players, and since his feelings had nothing to do with his players -- things spiraled downward from there.
It's a given: Believing that one's feelings are caused by something on the outside is a perilous entity.