Last week, I ran into a long-lost friend, with whom I shared my cell phone number. By the time I returned home, I was part of a WhatsApp group of college alumni, with 50-odd updates in an hour. I was livid that my friend, whom I trusted with my number, chose to share it with others, without my permission, and worse still, added me to a group. I prefer one-on-one conversations rather than distracting group talk and requested the moderator to remove me from the group. For no fault of mine, I ended up antagonizing half my ex-classmates – an unfair and catty comment by one of them being “oh, if you consider yourself too good for us, leave”.
Yesterday, we had a houseguest who was fiddling with his smart phone the entire time he was “talking” to us. When gently pointed out, he reluctantly put off his phone, only to bring it back a moment later to answer a phone call.
This morning, reading a blog post by my 12-year-old daughter, which upset me, I impulsively left a scathing comment for her. Realizing soon enough that I should not humiliate or chide her in public, I deleted the comment within twenty minutes (the threshold time after which information on the net allegedly becomes permanent), but not before a few of her regular readers had seen it. The kid was mortified.- Lakshmi, a Mobicip blogger and co-author of this article.
Awareness of social media etiquette has not kept in pace with the astronomical rise in its use. It does not help that the rules and social guidelines in the virtual worlds are different from those in the real. To complicate matters further, each virtual world has its own ecosystem, so to speak, and set of behavioral expectations. There are, however, some common sense rules that are easy to follow (and unfortunately, forget).
1. The vocal tone can communicate intricate meanings better than the written word. A joke may be funny when narrated in person, but could assume insulting connotations when put into the written medium. While one may argue that over-thinking can remove the fun of spontaneity from social networking, it is important to be aware of the audience and possible misinterpretations of written words. It is very easy to slip into territories of bragging, rudeness or complaints in the digital medium because auditory cues from our tone or the listener’s facial expressions that can stop us from becoming crashing bores during face-to-face communication, are absent in the digital arena. That aside, there is always the risk of “oversharing” and sometimes information we share about ourselves in public can be used against us. IKeepSafe reports that “nearly 40% of Internet users between the ages of 18-35 have regretted posting personal information about themselves”.
2. Respecting other people’s privacy: Being granted access to a friend’s phone number or facebook page does not grant one the freedom to spread the information to others. Even sharing their phone number with a common friend requires that permission be sought.
The same holds good to posting photos that include other people; it is basic courtesy to ask the others present in the photo if it is ok to post the photo in your social medial site. Even if they are ok with posting the photo, they may not like being tagged – after all people in your contact list may be strangers to them. This is particularly important while posting pictures in which there are children and youngsters; it is imperative to get permission from the children and their parents before posting the pictures or tags. While under provisions of many internet laws (e.g. “Privacy Rights for California Minors in the Digital World”) you must comply when anyone under 18 requests something to be deleted, in reality, what has once been posted, goes into Internet archives, and becomes permanent. So it is best to pause before posting anything and consider the need for permission.
3. Taking “no” for an answer: It is ok for whatever reason for your contact to not want to be in a group you started (yes, it still smarts) or in a group photo you want to post online. The refusal is most likely not personal, but a matter of their own reasons. Affording others the benefit of doubt is as important in the virtual media as in the real world.
4. Imposition: Having 1259 selfies during your summer vacation does not entitle you to impose them on all and sundry. Neither is it fair to get offended if the friend did not “like” the photos as many times as you had expected. All shares may not be applicable to all in the contact list. It is important to double check the list of recipients before hitting the “post” button, so that the message reaches the right audience.
5. “Friending”: When adding a friend from the past to a social media account, always follow it with a personal message to them says Jodi R. R. Smith, the author of The Etiquette Book: A Complete Guide to Modern Manners. To get into the social media circle of someone you don’t know (yet), it is best to send them a message introducing yourself truthfully. The most important thing to remember here is that it is their prerogative to accept or refuse your “friendship”.
Reciprocity is not a requisite in social media. Just because you “friended” someone does not require the other person to “friend” you in return. There is nothing personal there, just free will.
6. Pause before posting: Comments on blogs, responses, likes, dislikes, rants, pictures and hashtags are permanent. Social media sites appear to be the digital parallel of real-life socialization, but the hidden risks are the anonymity possible, which can induce people to say things they wouldn’t typically say face-to-face. Swearing, as well as spelling, grammatical and factual inaccuracies fall into this group, too. “Can’t eat one’s own words” is never more apt than in the Internet, where deleting a possibly unplanned and inappropriate comment does not solve the problem because of the permanence of data.
This is particularly applicable when responding to negative input you have received in your social media page. While the adrenalin rush compels you to type out a fitting reply and post it for all to see, it is important to take some time to think about what your response to the negativity should be, because it reflects on who you are. If the offending remark was from someone you know personally, it is best to talk to them privately about it, rather than flaming in public. If it is from a stranger, it is best to not engage any further. An altercation is not about the noise that is made, but the maturity with which the situation is handled.
7. The personal touch: Announcements of achievements, happy occasions and events on the social media may do the job of informing, but lacks the personal touch of writing to individuals, informing them of the achievement or occasion. I know from experience that when someone tells me something in person, I remember it better than an announcement I read in a social media page.
These are only few of the etiquettes to be followed in social media. The one rule that supersedes and encompasses all of the above guidelines is to pause, reflect and then post on social media to make social media a pleasant place for all in it.
Writing credit: Co-authored by Lakshmi, a Mobicip blogger and researcher who studies and comments on the effects of technology on children and humanity in general.
Mobicip is the creator of powerful parental control apps for tablets, smartphones and computers used by families today. Learn more at www.mobicip.com.