Mubarak Takes Flight

"Mr. President, it's time to leave for the airport."

"Leave? We take off in two hours. We drive out there and we go. Bim. Bam Boom."

"Well, El Baradei says you have to go through a body scanner."

"Never happen. Not going to let him take a picture of my junk. As it is, that's all they're letting me take with me."

"Well, they're also letting you take two bags."

"Have you seen my wife and my girlfriend?"

"But Mr. President, the crowds are at the door."

"OK. They can scan the wife and the girlfriend, but no junk. I draw the line at the junk.
So is my plane ready?"

"That's another thing,sir. You'll be flying commercial."

"YOU ARE SHITTING ME!"

"Your personal aircraft is unavailable."

"And that would be because...?"

"The Muslim Brotherhood is having it painted in more contemporary colors."

"And those would be...?

"Green, white and red, like the Iranian flag."

"OK, so Emirates is sending a 777, right?"

"Not exactly. We called and they said they're using all their planes to evacuate oil from Sharm el Sheikh."

"Air France?"

"No Halal catering."

"OK, British Airways, but we bring our own tea."

"We tried them, Mr. President, but they said they can't get a consensus."

"TWA?"

"Out of business, sir. American took them over."

"I know the feeling.
So how do I get out of here?"

"Well, we checked with Southwest, but felt that stops in Damascus, Cyprus, Athens, Zagreb, Budapest, Frankfurt, Lyon, Reykjavik, Houston and Burbank would be impractical in light of your prostate issues. The good news, Mr.President, is that we've identified one strong possibility."

"Please tell me it's not Ryanair."

"No sir, it's El Al. They said they'd be happy to take you to 35,000 feet to thank you for all you've done in the last month to further the cause of peace."