New U.S. Stamps to Honor America's Pimps

Bishop Don "Magic" Juan, excited about being on one of the new stamps.

The U.S. Postal Service will be issuing a series of five commemorative stamps paying tribute to America's most famous pimps. According to Postmaster General John E. Potter, the series will honor "a vital part of contemporary American culture so often overlooked by the mainstream media - its pimps, who provide food, shelter, clothing, medical expenses, employment, protection, and security for thousands and thousands of working women throughout America." The pimps to be honored include Andrew "Stonewall" Jackson, Mickey Royal, Bishop Don "Magic" Juan, Iceberg Slim, and Sir Captain.

Each of the stamps will feature a photo of the pimp dressed to the nines in his favorite pimp outfit, along with his favorite "ho," and his favorite catch phrase, such as, "Where my money, bitch!?", "Where my ho at?", and "Who told you to stop workin'? Git back on yo back!" A portion of the money raised by the sale of the stamps will go to the Pimp Clothing Foundation, which provides much-needed alligator-skin boots, purple-dyed, floor-length furs, and bright yellow, wide-brimmed hats to pimps throughout the country. A similar series of stamps has been proposed to honor America's most famous madams, and according to an insider, Heidi Fleiss has already expressed interest in being the first honoree.