Today the world's official timekeepers are adding an extra second to 2008 ("leap second"), to account for the slowing of the Earth's rotation and to give us something to talk about besides the Recession.
Although it is not exactly clear where this second is coming from (possibly from the same place where airline pilots "make up time in the air" when their plane is delayed), it is indisputable that time will be a-changin' at 6:59:59 p.m. (in L.A., during rush hour).
Einstein believed that time was an illusion, that everything that has ever happened is still happening and will do so into the future. Which means that historic events like the French Revolution or the hair metal movement are not out of date, but in syndication, like a cosmic, better Two and a Half Men or According to Jim.
Today most people's notions about time come from two 1980's icons: Stephen Hawking, who popularized important ideas about black holes and light cones, and Boy George, who popularized the somewhat stupid idea that time "is like a clock in my heart."
An old adage tells us to "make every second count." However, most of us were planning on making the usual 31,536,000 seconds a year count. Now there are 31,536,001. How will you spend your new time increment? Will you squander it impulsively, dismissing it as "just a second"? Or will you plan for it, savor it, and make it a "second to remember"?
To help you decide, here are some events being planned for today's historic second:
Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Second. Just like Clark's "New Year's Rockin' Eve," this second-long special is pre-taped. Featuring Pink, the Jonas Brothers, and Katy Perry, the show features almost the entire first word of the intro.
The One Second War. We've seen the Hundred Years War, the Six Day War, now this. The first part of the second will be spent in the thrill of attack, the second part getting stuck in a quagmire, the third part trying to figure out how to leave. Immediately following the one-second war will be a 13-hour miniseries about it on the History Channel.
.000024. This much abbreviated version of Fox's popular action-adventure series stars Keifer Sutherland as a counterterrorism agent who basically only has time to look sexy.
Times Square Ball Drop Pre-Show. The second before the ball drops, Kathy Griffin thinks of something to say to Anderson Cooper.
First Annual Time is Money Celebration. Hosted by Henry Paulson at the Treasury Department in Washington, D.C. A special ceremony to honor how much that one extra second will earn in interest for recipients of the $700 billion bailout.
Whatever you do with your extra time, make it good. There will be no second second.
John Marshall will celebrate the extra second at 6:59:59 by waiting that much longer for Jeopardy to come on.