Trump: Yeah, that's her. With the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful -- I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.
Bush: Whatever you want.
Trump: Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything.
Like most Americans, I've been monitoring the buzz which followed the release of these words by our Republican presidential nominee. I've read powerful statements by both men and women, decrying not only what he said, but the reality of the actions he describes. Author @KellyOxford tweeted a request for women to share the story of their first sexual assault. Millions of gut-wrenching responses poured in, and they're still coming.
I had to take a few minutes to think about which of my own stories to include. When you are young, the timing is fuzzy. I could write a whole post on the fact that she asked us to share our first assault, with it's casual implication that of course there are more than one. But that's being covered by other writers.
Here's something I haven't seen mentioned yet. It's Trump's phrase:
They let you do it.
When women are sexually assaulted, we often freeze because we don't know how to handle it. Especially those of us who were taught to be good little girls and to defer to men because they are men, and to defer to power because it is power. In situations like the that, a woman may "let him" and then live the rest of her life wishing she'd kicked him in the nads.
When I was 18, I worked in a burger joint. My boss was a guy not a whole lot older than me. He was the night manager. I don't remember his last name, just his arrogant smile. On several occasions I let him convince me to give him a blow job so that I wouldn't get fired.
I still think about it with shame and helplessness.
He had power, that white-male-privileged young strutting cock. Power over his greasy-floored domain, and power over me.
Now let's multiply this paltry power by all of Trump's theoretical millions, and add to it his celebrity and influence. And let's pretend you're a woman unlucky enough to attract his self-proclaimed magnetic gaze.
His words convey that he can't help himself. He is enthralled by your beauty. He reaches out a hand toward your most intimate, most vulnerable, most secret and protected body part.
And you "let" him. Because you are frozen. Because he can get you a promotion or have you fired based solely on your response. Because you are trained not to make a scene. Because you wonder if maybe you should have worn a longer dress, or a shirt with a higher neckline. Because our fucked up society tells us that attracting male attention is our job, and that catching the eye of a celebrity is the ultimate victory.
A few of the stories tweeted in response to Kelly Oxford's invitation describe fighting back in some way. But in the case of what happened to me at age 5 and 18, and what happened to millions of other girls and women, Trump is right. We simply "let them."
It's time to start teaching our sons what it means to be decent human beings, and our daughters to fight, and kick, and scream.