I am the heaviest I've been in quite a while.
I wrote about this last year. And the year before that. I'll probably write about it next year too knowing me.
I used to have such incredible motivation when it came to watching what I ate, how much I ate and exercising. I was in constant competition with myself, trying to ensure I'd beat the previous day's record with how many steps I'd undertaken or how little calories I'd consumed. These days I don't even keep a record of what I eat. It's been 2 months since I last lied to logged into MyFitnessPal app, which is the longest time I've gone without doing so since I was pregnant nearly 4 years ago.
Every new week rolls around and I promise myself this will be the week I say goodbye to the chocolate, swap the white bread for wholemeal and actually get off my cellulite ridden arse and do something that resembles exercise.
I bought Joe Wicks' fitness DVD a couple of weeks ago, after 3 minutes and 30 seconds I was so bored, I cracked opened the biscuit barrel and sat in front of said DVD stuffing left over Christmas Belgian biscuits into my gob in quick succession.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, when it comes to making excuses not to do something I am the Queen. You name it, I've excused it. With this in mind, I thought I'd compile my Top 10 excuses I use when I forgo exercise and/or dieting. Hopefully I'll shame myself into FINALLY doing something about it.
10. No one wants to be all muscly and fit anyway, do they?
Oh wow, look at that woman on Instagram, she could break limbs with those abs of hers. And the bitch makes it look easy. *Scrolls down* Oh but look at that Food Porn page, that chocolate melt in the middle fondant pudding looks amazing, I think I've got something similar in the fridge.....
Do it, says that little pizza loving voice in my head. There's nothing more amazing than being greeted by a hot, steaming Margherita (with extra cheese, obvs) on a cold Tuesday night. Even if it contains 2,500 calories and will make you feel like utter shit for a whole day tomorrow. Those 14 minutes of pure, unadulterated joy will more than make up for it.
8. There's always tomorrow
And the next day. And the day after that. Or failing that, 2018 could be the year of rock hard abs and clothes that actually fit.
7. You had a shit day at work
So you definitely should head straight to the chocolate aisle in Sainers and reward yourself for getting through the day with an abundance of Cadbury's Dairy Milk (in all varieties). And what's that? Crème Eggs are now on sale? Stick them in your basket an' all. Yes, that box of 12. In they go.
6. You looked skinny(ish) in that selfie you took yesterday
When I say I looked skinny(ish) in that selfie I took, I mean after 95 attempts, throwing the phone against the wall 4 times and having 3 tantrums, I finally got an angle that sort of seemed to work. And that filter and making my legs look almost double jointed really helped too.
5. Your jeans seemed to fit you quite well today
You only had to suck your stomach in for 7 of the 8 hours you had them on.
4. It's raining
No one wants to go for a run in the rain. Hood or no hood. Waterproofs or no water proofs (as if I own anything that resembles waterproofs).
Bath, 4 bowls of cereal (with full fat milk), a cup of tea and bed. In that order.
2. You're due on your period
Thus, it's a well-known fact that if you are about to be reminded of the monthly perils being a woman brings then the only thing to do is to eat your body weight in chocolate and lie in bed watching trash TV. In fact, I swear someone passed a law saying no woman should exercise or diet when they're due on.
DON'T EVEN MENTION THE WORD EXERCISE. JUST BRING ME ALL THE CARBS.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.