Like so many of us out there in the male-seeking-male community, I have quite an active relationship with pornography (if I am honest, my relationship might be a little too active). I can remember the very first time I ever watched a gay porn scene. I was about 13 years old, and I was home alone on my dad's old dial up internet connection. (So you can imagine just how fast it actually was, right?) I stumbled onto this website of these two college aged "runners" in a scene where they exchanged oral and some pretty vigorous fucking.
As I watched, while I became completely intoxicated by this scene, because it cemented that I definitely had a predilection for the peen, something else was happening to me too -- something deeper and more affecting than I understood at the time. I was learning about our culture. I was learning about the performance of masculinity, and that to be a real gay man you had to look and act a certain way in order to be accepted.
As I watched these two men switch positions with ease and comfort, as if it were nothing to do this, barely saying anything to one another, but totally understanding what was to happen next, I understood that my body wasn't good enough. I understood that as a disabled man, this would never be my experience (I know, many of you are reading that last part and lamenting that even though you are able-bodied, it will never be your experience either). This first foray into the fantasy of porn, and the feelings that I had back then of exclusion in this arena, have continued to linger even now, and I think it's time that we start talking about why having porn stars with disabilities in MSM entertainment is important, necessary and long overdue.
While it is happening slowly (much too slowly for my liking, tbh), we are beginning to see some slight changes in the types of male performers that have entered, and are being accepted, into the mainstream porn industry. I am starting to see more men of color represented in scenes without being overtly fetishized. I have also watched scenes where men of different body types, in particular, "bears" or "cubs," or those who don't fall into the traditional male porn typography, are gaining wider recognition. I think that we still have a long way to go in this respect, but that seeing these images that break certain molds is important.
The one body that we have yet to come across in mainstream gay male porn is the disabled male body -- in fact, it is non-existent. This sends a really loud and clear message to queer crippled men that their sexuality is not valued or valid in the LGBTQ+ community. The lack of representation in this arena speaks volumes, as it suggests that we aren't even considered as part of anyone's fantasy (and I know there are so many of you that want to get a hand or two on my joystick). Let's consider what having a porn star with disabilities would look like, and why they would enhance gay male pornography.
1. Different Scenes and Styles: How many of us have watched a porn scene between two male performers and the same things happen: two minutes of making out, a blow job scene, fucking and then the money shot. Having a performer with disabilities wouldn't necessarily mean that this formula would have to change drastically, but it would mean that the scene would get to focus more on the experience of disability. We've all watched scenes where the performers undress one another as part of the foreplay, and I think these scenes can be incredibly hot. The disabled performer could be undressed by their scene partner, but the scene could focus on how that is done, and have shots that establish the disabled body being sexualized, and the chemistry that comes with that. The partners may also have to negotiate getting into bed, with lifts/slings/etc. This might change the stylistic way the porn is shot, providing for a much deeper, intimate and honest portrayal that would add a whole new level to the scene itself.
Given that so many scenes are shot in stereotypical queer male spaces -- locker rooms, the shower, etc. -- adding a disabled porn performer would allow us to look at what accessibility issues impede sexuality for queer crippled men. A shower scene wouldn't work unless it was big enough for a commode chair, the locker room scene might show a special transfer device that could be sexualized by the performers. Of course, if one of the performers was a wheelchair user, their scene partner could climb up on it and use that as well. There are so many opportunities that can be expanded on when disability is considered here.
2. Different Positions and Different Blocking: I have long said in the work I do, that I will never be able to "fuck you like a porn star," but, what if I could? One of my signature sex positions is "the dead turtle" (okay, okay, this is where I just lay on my back and my partner comes up and meets my body); I call it that because I am flat on back unable to move, much like a turtle, and I think it would be important to see how these positions look on camera. It would mean that the camera would capture something completely new and different, allowing for the viewing audience to get something fresh in their fantasy.
3. The Messaging about Maleness: Having a disabled male porn performer in the mainstream arena allows for us to deconstruct what we consider to be the epitome of the gay male porn star. A disabled performer could rely on certain tropes still, but it does open up things for a more nuanced look at the portrayal of masculinity in these scenes. The viewer might get to see how the disabled performer has had to adapt their masculinity in certain spaces, and this could create a really sexy, intimate feel to the scene as a whole.
4. To Queer Men With Disabilities: Seeing ourselves on film in this regard would act as a powerful and potent reminder that we have sexual agency and sexual capital while seated. It would show young, queer crippled kids who may be struggling that they can be sexual, and it would give them guideposts when navigating what they want their sexuality to look like.
5. To the Larger MSM Community: Seeing a disabled male porn performer would send the message to the community as a whole that disability is sexy, and that it is okay to sexualize queer crippled men. It would allow them to answer so many questions about the disabled body for themselves, and it would help them to become less uncomfortable when thinking about sex and disability.
Ultimately, having a porn star with a disability in male-on-male porn would be an important step in diversifying the dude on dude landscape. It would change the game entirely. So, if any porn performers or studios want to see the possibilities of hiring or working with a PwD (Porn Star with Disabilities), take a chance, take a risk, understand that the marketability of a scene like this is in the message. Give me a call (Colby Keller and Cockyboys have first dibs); who knows what magical, majestic and altogether never before "scene" work this queer cripple might help create.