“Random Act of Kindness” card that is being given to strangers for various good deeds in Blaze’s memory.
By Sara Esther Crispe
Do you ever wonder what kind of impact you have made in your life? Who will remember you when you are gone? Hopefully we have been blessed with family and friends who love and care about us. Then there are the people we associate with such as co-workers, those we went to school with, and community members. But unless we are a celebrity, it may be hard to imagine that we could become a household name.
Unfortunately, in the most tragic of ways, Blaze Bernstein is now a name that countless people know and will never forget.
Just two weeks ago, he was a 20-year-old sophomore in college at UPENN who was back home in Foothill Ranch, California visiting his family for winter break. The oldest of three, he was enjoying his short vacation before returning to the intense academic environment of his Ivy League school. This incredibly bright, creative and talented young man was studying psychology and later planned on studying medicine. Two areas whose focus is on helping others in need: one in the emotional realm, the other, in the physical. Just last week he was supposed to fly back to Philadelphia and then resume classes on Wednesday. But that didn’t happen. He never made that flight.
For a week, to those who didn’t know him, Blaze Bernstein was the smiling face on a Missing Person’s poster. That poster was first seen locally, then nationally, then internationally. Celebrities began tweeting about his disappearance, friends shared and then acquaintances and then complete strangers until it felt like everyone knew and was hoping and praying for his safe return.
The media began interviewing his parents, Gideon and Jeanne Bernstein, and their strength and composure as they faced their most horrific nightmare, made everyone who saw their faces feel like they knew them. And like they knew Blaze. He had become everyone’s missing child. Everyone’s son.
And then the dreaded news broke. The police confirmed that Blaze’s body had been found. And now an arrest has been made. It would seem as if, in many ways, we have reached the end of this tragic story. But Blaze’s story isn’t over. Far from it. In so many ways, it is just beginning.
Blaze, in his disappearance and death, created something everlasting. He created a community of strangers. He created an extended family bonded by their pain, compassion and thoughts for all those who knew and loved him. And from him, for him and through him, people from around the world are committing to acts of goodness and kindness in the most unbelievable of ways.
Immediately following the news of his death, the Bernsteins’s posted a poll with a number of action items that could be done in his memory. Their first instinct, in their time of greatest mourning, was to find ways to perpetuate Blaze’s legacy. What was most needed that could be done to prevent such a tragedy in the future? How could the loss of Blaze somehow help others in a positive way and help ensure that no one suffer in such a way again?
The family did not ask for their privacy (which they had every right to do) and close themselves off from the world, but rather they opened their hearts to the outpouring of love and support that so many desperately want to give.
When a suspect was taken into custody, Blaze’s mother, Jeanne, responded as follows:
“Revenge is empty. It will never bring back my son. My only hopes are that he will never have the opportunity to hurt anyone else again and that something meaningful can come from the senseless act of Blaze’s murder. Now Do Good for Blaze Bernstein.”
Jewish philosophy teaches that words from the heart enter the heart. Jeanne’s words and wishes have been heard, felt and acted upon.
The Facebook page that was initially created to create awareness that Blaze was missing, is now a page to honor his memory and do goodness in his honor. It is called: “Help Us Remember Blaze Bernstein.” There are over 15,000 members, and it has become a place where those who knew Blaze share their stories and anecdotes about him, and those who didn’t know him are sharing their condolences and actions to make this world a better place.
Looking through the page is an astounding experience. It is a beautiful example of social media creating a home for support, comfort, love and goodness. There are numerous examples of how people are responding. One particularly powerful reaction involves people who have been going to Borrego Park, where Blaze was murdered, to place rocks.
These are rocks that strangers are taking the time to deliver. Rocks that these strangers have written the names, locations and messages for those who are not local or able to go themselves. These rocks are in memory of Blaze, and show the love that people from around the world have for him.
Alabama, Arkansas, Missouri, North Dakota, Montana, Wyoming, Nebraska, Vermont, Kentucky, Oregon…
Australia, Sweden, South Africa, Russia, Pakistan, Glasgow, Israel, Singapore, Germany, New Zealand…
And the list goes on. And will continue to go on.
In Jewish tradition, rocks are placed at a gravesite rather than flowers. The rock or stone is something that lasts forever, just like the soul. While the body is no longer here and is something finite, the soul is infinite. And its power to impact this world continues well beyond the physical life of the person it inhabited. Blaze is showing everyone that.
There are people who have been “paying it forward” in a variety of ways. There have been cards created with Blaze’s picture to be handed out, explaining that the recipient has received a random act of kindness because of Blaze. People have been donating their services in his memory, others have offered to make and deliver meals for the Bernstein family. Support groups have been created, there is learning being done in his merit and memory and countless others things are happening with Blaze and his family in mind. And these are just the things we know. Just the things that have been posted. And many have been initiated and carried out by people, who until the other week, had never even heard of Blaze Bernstein.
As the Jewish Sabbath came in at sundown on Friday, there were extra candles being lit in homes around the world in memory and honor of Blaze. There were Jewish women who had not done this powerful and transformative act in years that once again rekindled their lights because of Blaze and many others who began the tradition this week.
His parents requested that donations be made to the Blaze Bernstein Memorial Fund at the Jewish Community Foundation of Orange County to help children and families in need. Over 600 people have already donated. And at their request, another 100 plus people have donated to the Orangewood Foundation which helps children in the foster system. Jeanne and Gideon have made it clear that the best way they can be helped and supported is through helping and supporting others in need.
In Blaze’s death, he managed to bring about connection and change that transcended all race, religion, background and difference. He has brought about inspiration, education and transformation in all who have heard about him. He has motivated people to do better and be better. He has created true unity. And while this was the last way anyone ever would have wanted him to accomplish his life goal, in the saddest of ways, he has and continues to do so. As his father, Gideon, expressed: “Blaze wanted to make the world a better place.”
Jewish philosophy teaches that when faced with darkness, the way to eradicate it is not by dealing with it directly but by adding more light. The darkness can feel overwhelming, and no matter how much we fight it, it doesn’t seem to go away. But as we add more light, the darkness instantaneously becomes replaced. It dissipates, leaving only the light.
The light that Blaze gave this world will continue to blaze. It will shine. It will illuminate. And it will grow. That is the beauty of the flame. We can give our flame to ignite another, and another and endless other wicks, without losing or diminishing our own light. Rather, the more light we give, the more light we create and the farther it spreads.
Blaze’s Hebrew name was Chaim Natan. “Chaim” in Hebrew means “life.” “Natan” refers to giving, or a gift. Blaze, Chaim Natan, had his life brutally taken. A life that is irreplaceable and whose absence will always be missed. But he will never be forgotten. And he will always be present. For Blaze has given us the gift of support, love, kindness and unity. And in doing so, Blaze continues to give light. And he continues to give life.
As is said in Jewish tradition, zichrono livracha, may his memory be for an eternal blessing.
To learn more about the incredible person that Blaze was, please visit the website created by his parents: www.blazebernstein.org.