Ryan Reynolds has an amazing sense of humor about parenting.
The actor and his wife, Blake Lively, have three children ― daughters James and Ines and newborn third child whose name has not yet been revealed. With little ones under his roof, Reynolds has some serious fodder for comedy, which he’s demonstrated on Twitter.
Since becoming a dad, the actor has tweeted about diaper disasters, travel struggles and toddler malapropisms. We scoured his account to find some of the funniest musings.
Without further ado, here are 34 hilarious parenting tweets from Ryan Reynolds.
Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) January 30, 2017
This morning, my daughter said, "quiche" which means she's smart, hungry and an asshole.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 21, 2016
Damn it's hard letting your infant daughter go somewhere alone for the first time. I was a total mess dropping her off at Burning Man.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 7, 2016
My daughter's only 6 months old and already drawing. I'd hang it on the fridge but honestly, it's absolute garbage.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 19, 2015
After this morning's diaper, my daughter finally earned the teardrop tattoo on her face.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 14, 2016
On our 6am walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it's in heaven, visiting daddy's freedom.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 16, 2016
My daughter just sneezed into my yawning mouth. Seemed really fucking pleased with herself. Joke's on her. She'll have to bury me someday.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) April 16, 2016
My daughter love the @MileyCyrus song, "We Can't Stop" because she thinks it's about cutting the brake lines on my car.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 17, 2016
No matter which kids book I read to my screaming baby on an airplane, the moral of the story is always something about a vasectomy.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 7, 2016
Ask your doctor if you qualify for an extension. A 4th, possibly even 5th trimester can be very peaceful for the father. Congrats. https://t.co/CTdyI66in3
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 11, 2016
I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 11, 2015
I'm teaching my daughter that the sun goes down each night because it's mad at her. Probably gonna write a book on parenting at some point.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 5, 2015
Healthy Parenting Tip No. 34: Get the child into showbiz as soon as possible.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 1, 2016
Inside my daughter's diaper this morning, I found a half-digested wolf. Try me. https://t.co/6wuZLsl7Nu
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 3, 2016
The mobile above my daughter's crib is just a whole bunch of NuvaRings. So she remembers how lucky she is.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 20, 2016
Finding quality "me" time. Or explaining why Stalin is in hell. 1 yr olds are pretty dumb, so pictures help. https://t.co/cFP0HlDluJ
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 30, 2016
Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 22, 2016
Love writing nursery rhymes for my daughter. Her favorites are, "Sunshine-Cuddle-Time!" and "Everyone You Know Will Eventually Die."
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) November 11, 2015
Being a father means responsibility. Not just for your main family, but also the secret one in Denmark nobody knows about.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 19, 2016
Surprisingly easy to teach a baby to swipe right.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 16, 2015
Got totally messed up on probiotics last night and digested the fuck out of dinner.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 28, 2015
Having a kid doesn't stop this party train.
Jokes on you. We're not teaching her to read. Boom. https://t.co/gwGgx7pNQQ
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 22, 2016
Totally caved and tossed my daughter the keys to the car. She looked really happy as they bounced off her tiny infant face.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 12, 2016
Tinder isn't a babysitting app. Apologies to Crystal and Janine for the misunderstanding.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 19, 2016
I watched Frozen without my two year old this morning. Despair reveals itself in many forms.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) November 9, 2016
LOVE dressing my daughter in baby clothes. The itsy-bitsy pink pajamas. The tiny white socks. The black leather mask. Cuteness overload!
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 13, 2015
My infant daughter's traumatized for life. 50 Shades of Grey = Worst fucking coloring book ever.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 17, 2016
What's better than a 12 hour drive with a screaming 1 year old? Not including hepatitis.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 2, 2016
It's important kids eat 5 servings of vegetables daily. Even if childhood is just a dress-rehearsal for extraordinary adult suffering.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 29, 2016
They should call "fighting pits" something else because my baby just plays with the other babies.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 16, 2016
Put the baby down in her crib tonight. She scrunched her nose so cute, giggled, then turned into thousands of bats.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 10, 2016
On Fathers Day, my daughter smiled at me.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 21, 2015
It was all the gift I needed as I packed a bag and left for 6 years to write a book on parenting.
Proud of my baby daughter placing last in her old-timey, bare-knuckle street fighting class. Congrats to her 31 year old opponent, Rick.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 7, 2016
Happy birthday to my baby girl! Sad I lost my virginity. But thankful I have a daughter.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) December 16, 2015
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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