If I had one message to share with the world, one goal that would make my work as a coach and as a human being ultimately successful it would be to teach this lesson: Everything that follows the word 'because' is a lie. Simple, eh?
You may be resisting this one, as many do, but if I could get you to suspend your disbelief for a while I could both fulfill my goal and possibly empower you, the reader, at the same time. Please try turning off your agree/disagree filter for a few moments and listen to this idea as if it were true.
In my book, The Hamlet Secret, a Self-Directed Coaching and Journaling Workbook, I introduce everyone to the "Make Believe Land of 100 percent Responsibility" (page 45). I do it in order to empower, strengthen and generally put people back into the driver's seat in their own lives.
I've been using this terminology for years -- coaching salespeople, recruiters, managers, teams and individuals -- and it just plain works. I learned it in different modes from teachers and coaches throughout my life and these people shared it with millions before me. It works. It makes you 100 percent responsible, able to grow, adapt and not only survive, but thrive!
Now for those of you who are still stuck on the statement "Everything that follows the word 'because' is a lie," let me admit that the Land of 100 percent Responsibility is a make believe land. I acknowledge that it is a concept, not a reality, and that there are things that happen around you, to you, for which you have no control. Okay, I believe you that you're sometimes shat upon. But ...
What if you could take any breakdown, any challenge, any chaos that came your way and make it pay off, turn it to your advantage? Now how much would you pay, right? Only I mean to make good on this for you.
My experience of people I've coached is that they're all looking for an out, a reason, an excuse for not doing what they said they'll do. This comes into play especially if things go wrong or the way gets difficult, if obstacles occur or things don't go as planned. A bit of drama helps too, like when there's a storm and the electricity goes off, or when you get sick, etc.
I see that when things don't go as planned or when there are breakdowns that people "gather evidence," too. They say, "See what happened to me?" and get their friends and family agreeing with them that they are the perfect victim, nothing to be done, no way you could have seen that coming, etc.
These are the friends you should avoid asking for opinions when you're ready to quit, by the way, not the ones you should seek out. Seek out the ones who'll say, "OK, I got it. Things are tough: so what and what now?" These are the natural coaches in your life and if you think their attitude is uncaring and unsympathetic, you're wrong. They do care. they do sympathize. They are just not ready to buy into the fact that you can't find a solution, try again, go over, under or around the obstacles you've been faced with. In short, they believe in you.
Try this experiment with me for a week or two. Place a band-aid on the pinkie-tip of your dominant hand, not in a way to impede facility; we're looking for a visual reminder that will keep you from forgetting your challenge. Use the band-aid to remind you to listen for every time you or someone else uses the word 'because' to explain why something will take longer than planned, won't happen or in some other way needs to canceled or postponed. You don't have to do anything different in the conversation, just notice the word as you and others use it.
While you're noticing who uses "because" and how often, also notice who around you doesn't use it. I think you'll find that the strong leaders, the "movers and shakers" and those who with integrity stand by their word rarely resort to "because ... " At any rate, for the next week or so you'll find out for yourself.
Of course I want you to buy and read my book, The Hamlet Secret, or visit my "do it yourself" styled life coaching site. This concept may be the core message but as simple as it may seem, I acknowledge that it's not easy. These behaviors, this personal empowerment, is not something that just happens at the flick of a switch or in a single "aha" moment. However, the reward of this type of rigor and discipline in life is worth it and as more people take on their lives in this way, the world can shift and that's what we're up to.
That's right, that's what this "because" lesson and all the rest are for: changing the world. The conflicts between nations, shortages of water and hunger, racism, hate, anger and the tortured environment are all part of the agenda and it all starts with YOU. Give up "because" as step one, then see what you can do as you be-the-cause instead.
I'm including a video for you to watch that will shake you up and possibly make you cry but it helps get the message delivered. I have no connection to the speaker or his organization but I found it on the internet and I was inspired by it. If this guy isn't saying "because," why are we?
Please take a moment to comment here or visit me on Facebook, or at our site, www.doityourselflifecoach.com or in some way be in action that's different from, more active, than you are today. Let's get up to something together and see where we can go ...