Do you ever feel so down that you feel like you can’t get out of bed?
Do you feel like you let yourself down all the time?
Do you ever feel so stressed that everything becomes too much to handle?
Don’t beat yourself up.
Stress, anxiety and, ultimately, that burned out feeling can happen to anyone. You are not a bad person for feeling like you’re at breaking point.
You have probably been running on empty for quite a while, ignoring what you are truly feeling, pretending it will all go away.
The important thing is that you don’t have be so hard on yourself. There needs to be room for self-love on a daily basis - we need to look after our own needs.
Self-love is a choice you can make today.
Some may try to self-medicate with alcohol. But drink is a depressant.
So does that mean it directly causes depression?
Well, yes and no. It certainly has the potential to contribute towards depressive illnesses, but a depressant as a substance pretty much means it slows you down mentally and physically.
“But why do I feel more relaxed when I’ve had a drink? That’s not depressing!”
When someone drinks alcohol they feel more relaxed because of lowered blood pressure, slowed breathing and slower brain function. That’s why people slur their speech when drunk.
The morning after can be full of self-loathing, anxiety, paranoia and, in some cases, depression. Especially if you’ve , taken dangerous risks or just behaved completely out of character - this can really bring people down.
That’s where self-love can bring you back from the brink and so much more.
What is self-love?
Self-love is an innate ability we all have. It’s simply being conscious of and acknowledging your own mental and physical well being.
How can I practice self-love if I don’t like who I am?
Ask yourself: Do you dislike the person you become when you’re drinking? Do you dislike the consequences ‘drunk you’ creates?
You have to remember that drunk you isn’t you you.
Instead, indulge in self-love.
How can I practice self-love?
Very good question!
Begin by knowing that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t prioritise your children, not work on friendships or completely ignore the needs of other. I’m saying you should treat yourself as a friend or one of your own children - you’re just as important as all the loved ones in your life.
There are ten major ways you can practice self-love:
DO
These are activities that bring you joy or at least bring you some form of inspiration:
Food
Always wanted to try a certain recipe for dinner? Try it out! This could encourage you to think more carefully about your diet. It’s easier than you think to find the time to shop for ingredients and it’s quicker than you think to create delicious meals from scratch. What you eat on a daily basis can affect your energy and mood - so by starting with nutrition can set you in good stead on your path to self love.
Home/office declutter
Having a good clear out in your home and your place of work can set the foundations for a more stable mindset. Having clean and organised surroundings can help us concentrate and figure out what we truly want out of life, as well as what sort of person we want to be.
Clearing out the home and workspace can help life become clearer and you might also find you feel more creative. Having a clean and organised home can help you sleep better and has the ability to boost your mood. Letting go of items that cause ‘emotional baggage’ can make you feel lighter and more at ease.
Leisure
What’s life without leisure? Ask yourself what do you really enjoy doing in your spare time. If it’s reading then make a list of books you’ve always wanted to read and then take a trip to the library and spend the afternoon reading on your sofa. Always wanted to play the piano? Find someone local who offers lessons and go for it. The list is almost endless and indulging in an activity you love will help you to self-love!
THINK
Mindfulness plays a big role in self-love. It’s a mindset which allows us to notice what our body and mind really needs rather than wants. This way, we unlock our true potential and can lead a more balanced life.
Forgive yourself
Like I said before, you absolutely mustn't be too hard on yourself. Everyone had made mistakes in their lifetime - it’s just how we deal with it afterwards that makes us the individuals we are. Forgiving yourself and learning from your mistakes is a prime example of self-love. It means you can overcome any anger at yourself with feelings of love, so you can view yourself with empathy instead.
Your Needs
Focusing on what you need rather than want is one of the biggest keys of successful mindfulness. You may ‘want’ a drink but what is your body and mind telling you it needs? You’re more likely to find deep down that you need sleep, a nourishing meal or just to have a chat with a close friend.
Your friends
There’s no harm in looking out for yourself when it comes to the people you let into your life. Notice who brings value to your life - what role do they play? Do they care about you? Do they ask how you’re feeling? Do you do the same for them? Surround yourself with people who love you mutually and unconditionally and you’ll soon start to love yourself too.
FEEL
This covers the more physical aspects of self-love such as massages, meditation, yoga and spa treatments:
Baths
Soaking in a hot bath can relax your muscles, especially if you use epsom bath salts or aromatherapy oils such as lavender. If you’re not a bath person then a refreshing shower can be just effective - kind of like rinsing some of your anxieties away!
Massage
Whether you give yourself a massage at home or you visit a specialist, any sort of massage can really help you become more aware of your own body and what it’s trying to tell you.
Yoga
There’s a reason why millions of people all over the world practice yoga every day. It doesn’t matter whether you do ten minutes or two hours - the result will always be “oh my god, I feel so relaxed.” Yoga is absolutely beginner-friendly, thanks to the variety of poses out there. It’s also a fantastic way to slowly increase your strength and get fit.
Meditation
I’m not necessarily talking about sitting cross-legged on the floor (although that’s also a great technique!) - even just meditative breathing techniques such as 4-7-8 breathing can help you feel calm and balanced:
- Breathe in deeply for 4 seconds
- Hold your breath for 7 seconds
- Slowly exhale for 8 seconds
Take your time and repeat this for around 4 to 6 breaths. Not only will you feel more aware of your present surroundings, but it’s a wonderful way to calm yourself if you’re feeling particularly anxious.
Self-love takes time but the investment is absolutely 100% worth it.
If you are struggling with burnout, stress or addiction, and need help please contact me bunmi@thesoberadvantage.com