When a woman calls me for sexuality coaching she is often around 50-years-old. Sure, I help women in their fabulous forties and younger, and while the sexuality wake-up call can happen at any time, for many women, turning 50 triggers their sexuality alarm clock in a big way. And I love it -- because this emerging interest in their sex life often results in the best sex they have ever had.
There is a willingness in a woman over 50 to finally let go of the myths that may have haunted her for her entire life. She may be finally ready to let go of long held body image issues, trauma and wounds from past heart aches or failed relationships, and even abuse. She may find she finally has the time and the means to discover herself as a sexual being, and this exploration has now become a priority in her life. She simply cannot tolerate missing out on what is possible for her, and often sets out on an incredible journey of sensual self discovery.
For many women after the age of 50, if there are children, they are mostly independent. Their career and financial security are more certain. Women at 50 are no longer fighting to establish a marriage, a career or a family. They are ready to do something different and their focus has suddenly begun to center on their relationship to their own sexuality.
So how does she get started? First she needs to let go of the idea that women over the age of 50 have a diminishing or lower libido after menopause. That simply does not have to be true. What may be more to the point is the need to let go of their own perceptions of what sexuality is all about.
Sex Tips For Better and Hotter Sex After 50:
1. Let go of the belief that sex is more about their partner's pleasure.
Somehow many women have this notion they are only supposed to get sexual satisfaction from or after the sexual satisfaction of their partner. While she can certainly take pleasure from interacting with her partner, the reality is both she and her partner can manifest greater satisfaction from focusing only on her pleasure! Women need to discover their job in bed is no longer about getting their partner off efficiently and neatly. When they learn to speak their own desires (not an easy thing to learn if they don't really know what they are!), they are able to invite their partners into their pleasure. Making that shift in perspective can lead to the hottest sex for everyone.
2. Stop worrying that you may be "taking too long" to achieve pleasure.
The wonderful thing about sex after 50 is that you have more time and space to simply explore touch. If you feel like you are "taking too long", put aside that thought in a very conscious way. Learn to take the time you want and need to explore every nuance of your sexuality.
3. Learn to use lubricant.
Over the age of 50 this can be a very simple solution to the reality of changing bodies. Lubricant can enhance pleasure and prevent painful intercourse. There are many different kinds on the market, and even coconut oil can be a fabulous friend in the bedroom. Find pleasure it discovering the one that is right for you.
4. Shift your idea of what "Real Sex" is.
Learn that real sex is not just about intercourse and orgasm. Some of the hottest erotic experiences imaginable often do not include either one. Shift your emphasis from orgasm to touching, kissing, stroking, and various kinds of sensation play including tickling, nibbling, or blowing air. Be creative and welcome the curiosity that allows new sensation.
5. Learn to "preheat" your own oven!
Don't wait for someone else to turn you on. Learn about your own body and explore the vast garden of your own erogenous tissue in your genitals and in your pelvis. Women have as much erectile tissue in their pelvis as men do in their penis. It's just that women are not taught about it, and many feel uncomfortable fully exploring their own bodies. Take the time, either alone or with a partner, to discover all that you are.
Sex can be better after 50 than at any other time in your life. It can involve new adventures, brand new experiences, and the fresh freedom of erotic autonomy ready and ripe for exploration.
Earlier on Huff/Post50: