The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― and succinct ― wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or under.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
I'M OFF THE DEEP END WATCH AS I DIVE IN I'LLNEVMAMEEPMA BRAAAAAAWL!!!! -my brain, at 3am— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) February 20, 2019
when men don’t text me back it’s like... do you not want to be a minor character in my bestselling memoir in 10-15 years?— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) February 19, 2019
I saw the initials "BDSM" and asked if it was short for "Buddhism" how is your day going— Karen Chee (@karencheee) February 19, 2019
me within 3 seconds of using a self-checkout stall pic.twitter.com/XfmhGLy4QL— alyssa bereznak (@alyssabereznak) February 18, 2019
rihanna’s birthday should be a national holiday— ziwe (@ziwe) February 20, 2019
my phone randomly started blasting “no scrubs” and it was hard to make it stop so i am wondering if this is some sort of...emergency alert system?— Sara Yasin 🙅🏻 (@sarayasin) February 21, 2019
Me at home: Why isn't there more kindness in the world?— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 21, 2019
Me while driving: I hate every single person on this planet.
once i get my hair, eyebrows, and nails done, it’s oVER FOR no one— jite (jee-tay) (@JlTEAGEGE) February 22, 2019
but i’ll feel significantly better about myself
Laundry baskets are just closets for lazy people.— Melanie Gibson (@sugarwits) February 21, 2019
My daughter loves the things she is learning in grade 2, & she woke me up this morning by whispering "I have more bones than you" directly into my ear, so I'm pretty psyched to be raising an extremely powerful science witch— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) February 20, 2019
Walks a Decaf K-Cup pod to the lunchroom more discreetly than I ever walked a tampon to the restroom— Just J (@junejuly12) February 21, 2019
whenever someone takes a phone call by holding their ipad to their ear, bow immediately. for you are in the presence of a dignitary!— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 21, 2019
Me:— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) February 22, 2019
Recipe from the Midwest:
-1 block of cream cheese
This Woman Saved $4 In Eight Months. Here's How— samra (@heysamra) February 19, 2019
when i get to tell the person who asked to speak to my manager that i am the manager pic.twitter.com/tjhsLT3qhf— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) February 19, 2019
siri how do I cure sadness while not once moving from the couch?— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) February 20, 2019
nobody:— Quinta. (@quintabrunson) February 20, 2019
me: I can't see the stage, can someone put me up on their shoulders please
Love is strong enough to move mountains but apparently not dishes from the sink to the dishwasher.— Carbosly (@Carbosly) February 22, 2019
more vampires should have obsessive weird hobbies— Jessi Sheron makes mermaid comics (@JessiSheron) February 21, 2019
"I'm making a stop motion animated film out of bonsai trees, i've been at it since the 70s its 3 minutes long"
i just put a fitted sheet on my bed by myself in one try i am an Adult— kelly (@kelllicopter) February 20, 2019