The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
It kills me how many women believe they aren't good enough. I have an entire gmail folder set aside for prime examples of male mediocrity.
— Nicole Chung (@nicole_soojung) January 28, 2016
If street harassers really wanted to "rock my world" they'd pay my mortgage.
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) January 25, 2016
Science Twitter: Why does my body make room for mac + cheese but get super full and angry at dumb vegetables?
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) January 28, 2016
I need to stop doing Parkour thru my house. This Ikea furniture can't handle me.
— Luwanda (@LuwandaJenkins) January 27, 2016
It's so awkward when people ask what my hobbies are because they seem to want an answer other than alcohol and sleeping? But no that's it
— Julie Zeilinger (@juliezeilinger) January 24, 2016
in what section of my resume do I put drinking wine in the shower special skills or work experience
— Chelsea Nachman (@chelseanachman) January 26, 2016
Comin' for your man like pic.twitter.com/qnZNTK710V
— Jenna Amatulli (@ohheyjenna) January 27, 2016
People who fall asleep with in 5mins
— Iva (@the_mrs_ik) January 26, 2016
Have you never heard of overthinking everything????
Sorry you had to listen to me pee while I was on the phone with you.
— ~E~ville (@EBenita0517) January 29, 2016
But in my defense, you shouldn't have called.
things my laptop and i have in common:
— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) January 25, 2016
- noisy
- hot
- falls asleep easily
- 2.7 GHz Intel Core Processor
keep ur friends close and ur friends with ur nudes closer
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) January 27, 2016
im not saying that i would have sex with a cheese but if i had to it would definitely be gouda
— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) January 28, 2016
honestly tho if that's "curvy" barbie I feel I'm closer to "curvy barbie 1 ate curvy barbie 2"
— Julia Bush (@jabush) January 28, 2016
Update on my snow boot search: I am going to just hire a team of strapping young men to carry me in the snow on a pink velvet litter instead
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) January 25, 2016
The guys who have explained to me how to let wine "breathe" are the human equivalent of coffee shops with passive aggressive no laptop signs
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 25, 2016
Some day after I sleep with an attractive person I'm going to email them a link to X-Files fanfiction I wrote as a teen. Like, haha, PUNK'D.
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) January 25, 2016
Warning: if you pull me into a meeting over lunch, I will make you watch me eat an entire street meat gyro throughout said meeting.
— Abby Williams (@gabigailgilliam) January 26, 2016
sometimes i wait until my phone is on 2% before sprinting across my apt to grab my charger so never tell me that i don't ~live on the edge~
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) January 29, 2016
kanye truly is the hardest kardashian to keep up with
— Lauren Zupkus (@laurenzup) January 27, 2016
If you had brunch instead of breakfast and lunch, how many dinners do you get?
— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) January 25, 2016
Also on HuffPost:
The 50 Funniest Tweets From Women In 2015
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It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
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