The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
My new alarm clock is anxiety.— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 7, 2017
Guess who went all day without dropping food on her shirt?— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 7, 2017
Not me, but I’m sure somebody somewhere did.
We are maybe two weeks away from the President of the United States accidentally tweeting out a PornHub link— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) February 8, 2017
gonna perform brain surgery tmw even tho i never went to med school but it's chill bc i've seen grey's anatomy that's how it works right?— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) February 7, 2017
Previously the only people who knew what went on in U.S. govt worked in it. Now it's like we all have unpaid internships on the Hill.— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 10, 2017
After all this bullshit is over, on whatever mountain is left, can we get a Mt Rushmore of 3 Elizabeth Warrens and a RuPaul— Emmy Blotnick (@emmyblotnick) February 8, 2017
An all caps "I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT" is the whitest thing to ever happen in black history month.— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) February 10, 2017
2017: The Year Mitch McConnell Authored A Feminist Meme— Michelle Dean (@michelledean) February 8, 2017
me: *plugs my phone into the speakers*— z a h i r a 🇩🇴 (@bad_dominicana) February 10, 2017
me, 2 minutes later, while dancing: "omg wheres my phone?"
My reservoir of patience for men is the only swamp that Trump & Co. have successfully drained.— ann friedman (@annfriedman) February 8, 2017
Amal Clooney is also having twins which means we now have almost half of the future supreme court ready to go!— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) February 10, 2017
Just saw my comforter and blanket set on an episode of Hoarders, so I'll be shopping for the rest of the day.— Bianca LaVagina (@AnitaHelmet) February 10, 2017
Cats are sort of like teenage humans bc they don't know exactly why they're mad but they'll definitely puke all over your clothes.— Mary-Devon Dupuy (@DevoDupuy) February 10, 2017
ate dinner alone at a fancy af restaurant bec i wanted to & they felt bad for me & kept bringing me free shit. i have won the game— Julia Bush (@jabush) February 10, 2017
I've long asserted that Ophelia's suicide could have been prevented if anyone, ever, had told Hamlet to shut the fuck up pic.twitter.com/HEzuRrYohN— Sarah Kelly (@sarahevekelly) February 9, 2017
I feel so sorry for the poor suckers who are pregnant with only one lousy baby right now.— Jenni Konner (@JenniKonner) February 10, 2017
The amusement felt watching fashion week attendees in wildly inappropriate footwear teeter through puddles of slush is called shoedenfreude— Erin 🎶Gloria🎶 Ryan (@morninggloria) February 10, 2017
It's 2018. Astrophysics has been outlawed. Stars are called "Jesus dust." Black holes are made from liberal souls. The moon is fake news.— Ari Scott (@ariscott) February 7, 2017
Going to someone's house for the first time...— Lola (@Lola_Just_Lola) February 6, 2017
Me: Please let there be a dog. Please let there be a dog. Oh, Please let there be a dog...