The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
Psyched that I went to a concert for three hours and only missed 263 pieces of news.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) May 11, 2017
Can we all agree that people who talk on the phone at the gym should be fined $100 per word
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) May 6, 2017
my little sister said "men are trash" to my mom and my mom said "yup...they lie, they're unloyal...right farwa?" and I've never been happier
— farwz (@farwzz) May 7, 2017
I was arguing with my husband and my son screamed "yay! TWO christmases!" from the other room.
— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) May 6, 2017
my little cousin rolled up like "so I heard you wanted a brownie"
— wikipedia brown (@eveewing) May 6, 2017
😐 pic.twitter.com/X6f6sGjXlH
Turns out, you can still get fired from mall security for yelling complements through the 2-way mirror in the dressing room so don't do that
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) May 9, 2017
Whenever audience members tell me "I usually don't think women are funny but...", I want them to end it with "then again, I'm the worst."
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 9, 2017
Angel: so, the chicken first or the egg?
— Jane Eggs Benecactus (@AtticusFinch79) May 9, 2017
God: let the humans guess...
A: thats eggcelent!
G: stop trying to make eggcelent happen, Steve
Fuck you, ocean. If you have something to say, say it to my face instead of through a shell, you piece of shit.
— Kim Monte (@KimmyMonte) May 8, 2017
do u ever look at all the shit news inundating u on a daily basis & it's so overwhelming u just laugh? oh, that's a nervous breakdown? nvrm
— beth can't with this (@bourgeoisalien) May 10, 2017
Quick while we don't have a FBI Director, copy all the VHS tapes you have! No one can stop you! pic.twitter.com/zxUvnPWMtW
— Sarah Fox (@SarahFoxes) May 10, 2017
When did dating become me and my friends just texting "I want to die" back and forth to each other
— alana hope levinson (@alanalevinson) May 10, 2017
the monster community needs to take accountability and apologize on behalf of ted cruz
— Ziwe (@ziwe) May 8, 2017
Sometimes I read Trump's twitter & recall that for most of American history people were like, "women are too emotional to be president."
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) May 12, 2017
*sorts by price low to high*
— Taryn Finley (@_TARYNitUP) May 12, 2017
I know this isn't the right takeaway from 2017 but the news really makes me feel like texting my ex isn't the worst thing I could do.
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) May 10, 2017
THE BEACH GONNA GET WHATEVER BODY I GIVE IT pic.twitter.com/NSOxVqm2iT
— Rachel (@rachelPLZdotcom) May 9, 2017
boys love:
— Alanna Okun (@alanna) May 6, 2017
- rick & morty
- beer and a shot
- knowing what year a movie was made
Kellyanne Conway always sounds like her husband came home early and she's talking to him in front of a closet where her lover is hiding.
— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) May 10, 2017
best part of working from home is having your 5y/o run in while you're on a conference call and cry "I accidentally peed in the wrong place"
— maura quint (@behindyourback) May 9, 2017
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