The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
luv playing my favorite game: is it the anxiety or the caffeine or the depression or the most recent news or just The Way Things Are Now
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) November 20, 2017
QUICK BEAUTY TIP FOR LADIES: Decrease fine lines and under eye bags by not doing emotional labor for men today.
— Sarah Day (@scribblingfox) November 19, 2017
2017: the year I learned some things about my capacity for anger and disgust pic.twitter.com/vuyxFs79pm
— ann friedman (@annfriedman) November 20, 2017
Wish someone “Happy International Men’s Day!” tomorrow & allow them to loudly correct you. Far better than any card.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 19, 2017
me: *violently flaps open new trash bag*
— Jessica Misener (@jessmisener) November 21, 2017
me: i am the backbone of this household
My mom says she wants a dog but I think she just wants someone to fetch her slippers when I'm not around.
— Morgan Jerkins (@MorganJerkins) November 20, 2017
me: i have to be up in about six hours i should go to sleep
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 21, 2017
also me: i should take every hogwarts house sorting quiz i can find
"well i'm a woman & he's never assaulted me" is much like a serial killer proclaiming "i have plenty of living friends!"
— Franchesca Ramsey (@chescaleigh) November 21, 2017
"why wasn't i invited to that? i wouldn't have gone, but i should've been invited." --me all the time
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) November 20, 2017
Stars, They're Just Like Us! [Image of male celebrity in sweatpants outside Starbucks frantically drafting a public apology about his NYT harassment exposé]
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) November 20, 2017
watching football too long like damn those tights might look good on me
— cait (@harmonicait) November 21, 2017
My tarot card reader and my therapist gave me the exact same advice…..what does this mean? And yes, I realize the follow-up question is going to be “You have a tarot card reader?”
— Allison P Davis (@AllisonPDavis) November 21, 2017
Love when my parents criticize an aspect of my personality that is 100 percent their fault
— Alana Hope Levinson (@alanalevinson) November 21, 2017
I guess if we want to avoid sexual harassment allegations we should stop letting men do things, just to be safe
— erin cornucopia ryan (@morninggloria) November 21, 2017
*walks up to microphone*
— Brokey S. Turkeys (@brokeymcpoverty) November 21, 2017
yes, good evening, and thank you for joining me here today. I wanted to call this press conference to let anyone concerned know that I like sandwiches from Subway and I don't give a fuck who knows it. no questions please. thank you.
One positive thing that has come out of this year is how reading the news now qualifies as cardio.
— Brohibition Now (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 22, 2017
My mom checked the weather and when "The Voice" was on tonight... with a NEWSPAPER.
— Kay Cannon (@KayKayCannon) November 21, 2017
maybe she's born with it
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) November 18, 2017
maybe it's the bottle of wine she drank at dinner that makes her numb to the world!!!
my gravestone may well read “insufficiently deferential” but it will also read “worth it, tbh”
— stacy-marie ishmael (@s_m_i) November 21, 2017
my roommate made the mistake of asking me why I’m putting my to-do list on Excel and 20 minutes later I was suddenly shouting “—AND CVS SAID THEY DIDNT HAVE MY PRESCRIPTION EVEN THOUGH THAT’S LITERALLY THE REASON I WENT TO THE DOCTOR!!!”
— Sammy Nickalls 🧚♀️ (@sammynickalls) November 21, 2017
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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