The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
Coworker: That music is nice, what is it?
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) January 16, 2018
Me: It's from the scene in the ballet where the vengeful virgin ghost queen makes a man dance to his death.
good morning, everything is still a shitbiscuit but I'm here
— Tracy Boomeisha-Ann Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) January 17, 2018
How to use the self-checkout:
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) January 14, 2018
1. Scan product.
2. Place in bag.
3. Scream that there is no unexpected item in the bagging area!
4. Take item out.
5. Repeat.
I liked Girls better the first time when it was called Sex And the City / Desperate Housewives / Girlfriends / Living Single / Sisters / Designing Women / The Golden Girls / The Facts of Life wow shows with four lady friends are popular
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 16, 2018
when u do your hair for brunch and they cancel pic.twitter.com/48hskgDdBD
— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) January 13, 2018
*solemnly puts dress I bought for the fake news awards in the back of my closet*
— Samantha Tomaszewski (@managewski) January 17, 2018
maybe next year
When I finally learn how to both drink all the water I should AND avoid having to pee once an hour it's over for you hoes.
— A.B. (@AlannaBennett) January 17, 2018
For any women having trouble reaching orgasm, I discovered there are two-story Targets.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) January 14, 2018
i like grocery stores more than i like other people
— Maya Binyam (@mayabinyam) January 16, 2018
The 50 Shades couple seem like the people we unfollow on Facebook.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) January 15, 2018
Free idea: ensemble rom com that’s just the zany best friend characters finally getting their due.
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) January 13, 2018
I took off my bra and a skittle fell out, but I don’t remember the last time I ate skittles?
— Mand of Green Gables (@MandiHarris) January 18, 2018
Ok sometimes news stories say things like “details not yet disclosed to the public” and I wanna be like “jus whisper it to me”
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) January 17, 2018
A Black Mirror in which everyone’s first drafts, discarded emails and draft tweets post all at once.
— Emily Nussbaum (@emilynussbaum) January 17, 2018
with the exception of everyone who isn’t we’re all doing our best
— jamie loftus (@hamburgerphone) January 16, 2018
Describe yourself in one sentence: I got a massage at a day spa and immediately followed it with four tacos and a soda.
— Madeline Hill (@mad_hill) January 17, 2018
now that living single is on hulu i hope no one notices that my entire personality is formed solely by maxine shaw and just genuinely being very hungry
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) January 15, 2018
when you try to catch up with the news after logging off for a little pic.twitter.com/cMN10RHcz3
— Sammy Nickalls 🧚♀️ (@sammynickalls) January 14, 2018
yeah well i hope you go to put your hair in a ponytail but the hair tie is too loose to hold it & not big enough to tie it another time
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) January 14, 2018
No, autocorrect, I did not mean to type "birch." You heard me the first time.
— Christy Havranek (@diopter) January 17, 2018
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.