We are delighted that you have expressed interest in The Greg Mania School of Writing! Our unique curriculum offers one-of-a-kind training designed to mold the minds of the great writers/sporadically employed freelancers of tomorrow. Here is our list of course offerings for the upcoming fall semester:
Kick-Starting Your Writing Routine
So you wanna be a writer/someone who occasionally buys dinner from the under $5.99 premade food section at Rite-Aid two to three times a week. This class serves as an introduction to developing a routine that is conducive to accessing your bottomless well of creativity. We will cover basics like:
- Lying in bed and intermittently checking email until 12:30 P.M.
- Taking an antidepressant
- Scrolling through Twitter
- Contemplating ordering a standing table on Amazon in hopes of it facilitating more productivity
- Opening the fridge hoping to discover food that magically appeared overnight and repeating this for the next two hours until finally deciding to head to a local café to get some writing done.
This class aims to help you find a specific routine that will yield at least half of the amount of writing you told yourself you would do prior to going to bed the previous night.
Prerequisite(s): 1-2 years of semi occasional Wordpress posts, a generous supply of unhealed psychological wounds
Freelancing 101
An introductory course that explores the basic practices of freelancing for beginner writers. The course places a heavy emphasis on the importance of networking that starts with teaching students how to recognize opportunities to promote themselves and how to turn every situation into an opportunity to network, i.e. weddings, poetry slams, séances, and standing in line for movies like My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2. Students are strongly encouraged to put how many words they can type a minute into their Tinder bios. Students will also learn how to make a can of beans last a whole week.
Freelancing 115
This class delves deeper into the world of freelance, including a careful examination of e-mail sign-offs, learning how to craft the perfect invoice, and a closer look at follow-up culture. Students will also learn how to write a thinly-veiled threat for when they still haven't been paid for an assignment and rent is due in two days.
Prerequisite(s): Freelancing 101, patience
A Guide to Style
You can't teach style, but you can sure expedite its discovery with this six-week intensive seminar designed to help students explore their voice. This class completely disregards the mechanics of writing; prose, syntax, and grammar -- the hell are those, some sort of new prescription medicine for osteoporosis or whatever the hell? None of that in this course. Comprised of exercises that gently force students to find their voice like being exiled to a rustic hut by the sea with only a loaf of French bread and a typewriter and occasional coal walks, this class will encourage students to (quickly!) tap into individuality to make their writing more vivid and personal.
The Rules of Comedy
Comedy writing workshop for students who want to pursue writing for sitcoms or late-night TV. Students will have completed a spec script for their favorite sitcom and will learn how to craft the perfect joke in 140 characters or less by the end of the semester.
Prerequisite(s): Must have not had a lot of friends in middle school
D.I.Y. Writers' Retreat
As a writer, you probably don't have the funds to go to an exclusive, chic compound in upstate New York and spend time drafting the next Great American Novel. This two and a half hour seminar offers all the benefits of going on a writers' retreat without leaving the classroom! Class time will be heavily focused on honing discipline and creating an atmosphere prime for productivity: students will set up an out-of-office automated e-mail response and spend two hours of class time lying facedown on a hardwood floor in the dark while "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap plays on loop softly in the background. The remaining half an hour of class will be dedicated to writing material that will live on students' desktops in a folder entitled "Stuff, I guess" for an undetermined amount of time.
So You've Been Published: What's Next
This class heavily focuses on character building. Class time is just comprised of students writing, "I will not engage in the comments section" three hundred times across a chalkboard.
Prerequisite(s): Freelancing 101 & 115, undiagnosed neurosis
Your Platform and You
This class is only offered for those who are about to graduate. This class is considered the most important on our curriculum -- in fact, fuck it, students don't even have to take any previous classes to enroll in this course.
Offered ONLINE only