Over the summer the subject of divorce tends to be all over the media. As CEO of Divorce Hotel I notice that this is the time of year when I receive the highest number of requests to interview. Often I am asked about the most important things to know about divorce, so I came up with a shortlist based on the articles I have written over the years. Interestingly enough, the first point is directly connected to the summer season. In the divorce industry, summertime is referred to as the calm before the storm.
Divorce is most likely to happen after vacation and holiday seasons:
Is your marriage on the rocks? Then it is quite possible that your summer vacation may be your last on in your current marriage. It is sad, but true that divorces peak following Christmas and summer holidays. In the article ’Holidays are over and so is your marriage”... you will find out that if you really want to know what your relationship is made of a vacation is a smart idea, but also risky way to find out. The numbers speak for themselves.
The younger you marry, the more likely you are to divorce:
Did you know that 59 percent of women who marry before the age of 18 will divorce within 15 years? The divorce rate drops to 36 percent for those who marry at the age of 20 or older (“Cohabitation, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the United States,” M.D. Bramlett and W.D. Mosher). But maybe even worse is the fact that failed first marriages spell doom for second marriages! Statistics tell us that 50 percent of first marriages, 67 percent of second, and up to 73 percent of third marriages will end in divorce. You can learn more here.
Social media and the internet have increased the rates of divorce:
Numerous experts and studies have indicated that access to porn has destroyed countless relationships and marriages. Personally, I do not completely agree since porn has been around for a much longer time than the Internet. However, what is new is how easily people can connect (or reconnect) with one another. Finding old lovers via Facebook or new and interesting people via Tinder has become much easier than it was just 20 years ago. So a more accurate question would be: is social media killing your relationship? I believe it is and you can read about it here:
Men and women view divorce very differently:
There definitely is a Mars and Venus effect between men and women during divorce procedures that can make the situation more complicated when not taken into account. It is crucial for both parties to listen to each other. Men tend approach divorce proceedings quickly and efficiently, while women often require more time and space to process their emotions. You can read what I wrote about The Mars and Venus effect in divorce here:
Divorce legal fees are very expensive- consider mediation:
I have written much about the fact mediation does not often occur to divorcing couples. And I will emphasize it again: mediation is a great solution for everyone who would prefer to divorce in a positive way. The right mediator can save you so much heartache, money, and time. I even explored how celebrity divorces could benefit from mediation.
Tell your children about divorce the right way:
Discussing divorce with your partner was surely difficult, but perhaps even more difficult is informing your kids. While every situation is different, I have provided some help on this topic to help you deliver the bad news in a way that is best for your children. You can learn more here.
It is true: Love makes you blind:
I always find it interesting that buying a house or a car is so much more difficult than getting married, even though the consequences of a bad marriage are far greater! At Divorce Hotel every day we hear stories confirming that love makes people ignore obvious incompatibilities and red flags. Our intake conversations are filled with examples of unrealistic promises couples made to each other when they were totally blinded by love, only to be disappointed when the reality of married life set in. In my article ‘Love can make you blind’ you can read more about it!
Divorce rituals do exist:
Maybe you have never heard of divorce rituals, but they definitely exist. During my Divorce Hotel proceedings I have experienced quite a few of them. Sometimes a couple wants to listen their favorite song for the last time, and sometimes they pop open bottle of Champagne complete with a toast. It might sound weird, but I think that it is good that something that started in a positive way can also end in a positive way. In my article about divorce rituals I tell you much more about it!
These are just a selection of important things in divorce and there are still many other topics to cover. If there are any points you think I have forgotten or that you would like to know more about, you are very welcome leave a comment. Have a wonderful summer!