In another hilariously accurate report from The Onion News Network, we learn of a missing college girl that matches the description of every sorority sister in the United States. The hopes that Jessica, who was last seen wearing "a tank top, Ugg boots and blue sweatpants with 'Pink' written across the butt," will return are slim. Every single "nutritional sciences major with side bangs who loves 'America's Next Top Model' has responded to the search, with no luck in finding her so far. The search continues, but DNA testing now looks like the only option.
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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