Here’s the truth of it….most people are on the forever search of the magic pill or secret sauce to succeed in their lives and businesses.
Tens of thousands of dollars spent on research, books, ‘gurus’ and hacks (UGH) to crack the code on what it takes and how to shortcut the path to the promised land.
Websites created, programs launched, masterminds sold- all for the elusive feeling of belonging and ‘winning’ at it all.
Hours, days, months, even years, dedicated to the mapping out the Holy Grail just to sell and repackage that to the next unknowing soul on that search.
What if I told you all of it worked and none of it worked? Maybe it’s not about a balancing act after all.
Would it blow your mind if you could believe being all of the things in all different directions is the tried and true answer?
Let me explain.
Success is not a one time goal.
Nor is it a one size fits all t-shirt to don and parade around town.
There are times on our journey that finding your people, a community of like minded powerhouses headed in a similar direction is THE exact thing you need to catapult you from where you are stuck.
AND there are also times when tuning out the outside noise and lists of should’s and have to’s while learning to tune into your OWN intuition, your OWN knowing, your OWN ideas is the only move you could possibly make to budge from where you are.
There are ‘answers’ that may work for you sometimes and complete opposite ones for other times.
So now that I have told you there is no ACTUAL path…..how on earth does anyone achieve anything?!
How are we meant to know what to do and when?
How can we distinguish the outside voices from this inside ones?
We first have to learn to LISTEN.
So many of us want to run away from something that is not working- relationships, jobs, self images that are less than fabulous, that we forget to slow down and understand what it is we are actually searching FOR.
Add on the shiny stage of social media that glorifies even your breakfast picture with filters and emojis, we have forgotten how to create what we want with intention. If we ever knew in the first place, of course....
We have forgotten how to build the courage muscle, how to sit in uncomfortable spaces and how to savor our growth, even the sticky spots.
What are you chasing after so hard? What are you wasting all of that hustle energy on if you have no actual destination?
As much as we like to speed up to feel busy and on purpose, we first need to SLOW DOWN and understand why we want what we say we want.
What would success free you FROM? What does success lead you TO?
It could be mindset, finances, shackles of the past.
Maybe it’s unfulfilled ideas and dreams of who you wanted to be.
Perhaps it’s something entirely different than you can’t even pinpoint yet.
The ironic thing is many times running towards success for the wrong reasons just adds more stress and pain, not less!
Here’s what I am proposing instead- and you don’t even have to like it but I promise it works every time.
First step- remember who you are. I don’t mean in some hokey ethereal way (although that’s awesome too at times- let’s save that for later)
What do you stand for? What do you believe? What do you value as absolute truth?
Next- what do you loathe? What do you stand against? What will you fight against over and over?
Now notice how foreign some of your answers may be to you.. We are not taught to grab those values and principles by the neck and have THEM lead our lives! Well, not until now.
Once you have your list fleshed out, now it’s time to understand WHY success matters in your life.
What has happened in your life that has made you feel less than successful?
What would creating that success change for you and why?
What will your life look like if you never get there?
NOW we have a real destination. An understanding of what has fueled you in the past and WHY you want what you say you want.
The last step before diving in is to determine WHAT is standing in your way.
Because, let’s be real, if we could just snap our fingers and create those dream lives wouldn’t we all be living them already?
So it’s time for real rawness.
What does NOT succeeding until now feed in your life- does it keep you safe to not grow? Do you have patterns and beliefs that need some digging into about what really having what you want would stop you from being/doing/having?
What would happen to your relationships if you became the best version of yourself?
Now, go easy here this is not about more judgement or fear gathering it’s about turning the lights on so you can see why you may be sabotaging exactly what you claim to want.
You are now armed with what you need to forge forward:
1. What you are walking away from and why
2. What you are striving towards and why
3. What roadblocks could be in your way
4. And most important, a true sense of self to know how to proceed and why your unique desire for success means so much to you
So now armed with all of your new information and fuel- how do you ACTUALLY go achieve that success?
Here is where we blend an interesting and sometimes contradictory types of ingredients:
Yes we have all heard the quote from Jim Rohn in some variation of “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Until you decide what type of environment you need to be in to foster these newfound seeds for your success, you cannot change- yes, I said that boldly.
If you could, you already WOULD have.
We need a pattern interrupt, a proof in the pudding, a visceral experience of seeing, feeling and knowing what you want is possible and doable.
How do we get that?
By surrounding ourselves with those people- mentors, friends, accountability partners who are on a path we admire AND farther along actually living what we see in our mind’s eye as success.
Why is that so key? Otherwise, by human nature, we stay stuck together. We moan and groan about things never changing yet we don’t create the necessary environments for that change!
When you set your gaze out from where you are to where you want to be, we naturally grow towards that destination. In education there is a philosophy called scaffolding, which validates the idea that when we work in groups we rise together, an individual will show up more and push themselves more for a team effort and group plan than we naturally do on our own.
So finding your people and networks is of utmost importance.
And here’s where it gets tricky…..ready for my contradiction?
You ALSO need solo time.
Self care, processing, cocooning time. Time to remember who you are, what you want, how far you’ve come and how close you are to shifting it all.
HUH? I just told you to find your people, didn’t I?
The key thing people forget to do it check in with themselves.
They find their direction, connect with like minded others and they naturally start to rev up those engines again. This gives a great sense of belonging and motivation towards growth. And can also lend to marching in line, following other’s ideas AND forgetting yourselves yet again!
It’s imperative to take the time away from the noise, the ideas and the speed of what’s going on around to connect and reconnect to your pace, voice and soul.
We need to make sure other people’s ideas and dreams do not muddy up our own.
We need to honor our similarities YET honor and respect our differences in order to not blend into the crowd yet again.
We have to recalibrate our dreams, strategies and visions to make sure they still fit us.
We must give ourselves what we give to the people around us- be that family we care for, partners we love or clients we nurture.
Without recharging, refocusing and reminding ourselves that we are ever evolving and ever growing even as we make massive strides, we can easily trip on our own feet.
We fall into overwhelm, burnout and can even get lost on our way because we forget to check on our own needs, wants, and drain our own wells by giving all we have to everyone else.
Society glorifies over-giving, putting others first and not taking time for ourselves...how’s that working for everyone?
We are as a whole, a society of overweight, overly stressed and afflicted with over-consumption of media, material salves and background noise so we can’t possibly hear our own hearts and souls in the midst of the madness.
When we choose to give BACK to ourselves, we automatically create an inner environment that has even more to give to others because we are not so thinly spread.
So right when you fall back into that rev up, hamster wheelin’ race to ‘SUCCESS’, remember what it really takes to get there and start SLOWING down to catapult forward.
It’s a rinse and repeat game that Works.Every.Time.
Trust me on this one.
Shari is a change instigator, transformational coach and creative business strategist. She helps her clients ditch their Groundhog Day living and find their unique path and voice to a sparked up soul and lit up life.
Shari also works with entrepreneurs and your everyday rock stars to verbalize their soul and vision, to find a calling instead of a I-really-hate-my-job and/or-my-life type of deal. As a multi-passionate rebel spirit, she also hosts her variety style podcast, The Creative Soul Lab.
Proud mama of 2 princes, Shari lives right outside of NYC.
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