Sometimes, the funniest (and most frustrating) parts of parenting can be summed up in less than 140 characters. Just ask Robert Knop.
Knop, known as @FatherWithTwins on Twitter, gives his more than 16,000 followers a glimpse of his life as a dad with a series of hilarious tweets. Taking comedic inspiration from his twins over the last few years, Knop has rounded up the many sides of being a parent including listening to the silly demands of children and handling the chaotic event known as mornings with kids.
Here are 30 funny tweets about parenting from Knop.
7yo: Can I donuts for breakfast?
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 18, 2017
Me: No, too much sugar. Now finish your Pop Tart.
Just asked my 7yo 150 questions during his Minecraft video as payback for the last four movies we've watched.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 10, 2017
"Don't worry, you guys go play. I'll clean up everything." he said to a completely empty kitchen
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 20, 2017
"10 boxes of Legos? Forget that, I'm going to play with this bag of open garbage."
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 10, 2017
- my kids
Do you love being ignored?
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 8, 2017
Is constantly repeating yourself your jam?
Do you enjoy arriving late?
If so, parenting may be right for you
Me: Kids are at the birthday party for the next 2 hrs. We're alone.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 30, 2017
Wife: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Me: Yup
Both: *nap in diff rooms
Our kitchen table centerpiece is a bunch of Legos my 5yos left there a few days ago.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 7, 2015
7yo: I wanna wear my hat today
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 3, 2017
Me: Ok, but I'm not going to carry it all day
Narrator: But carry it all day he did
Parenting 101: If you show interest in something, your children will immediately lose interest
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 28, 2017
We need a Constitutional amendment to limit the number of previews before a G-rated movie to 2 max.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 26, 2017
7yo: Daddy, I love you too!
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 16, 2017
Me: Aw, I love you too!
7yo: No, I said "I love YouTube"
Welcome to parenthood.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 23, 2017
You'll now be sleeping on a 2 inch slice of bed next to the edge for the next 10 years.
If you've never seen someone take off his pants and attack you with them, then you've never met my 7yo.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 13, 2017
Me: Get dressed guys
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 7, 2015
5yos: *No reaction
Me: Get dressed, we're getting donuts
5yos: *Already dressed and in the car
There are illegal toxic waste dumps cleaner than the screen on my son's tablet.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 5, 2016
I said: Time to go to school
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 17, 2017
My 7yo heard: Time to block every doorway for the next ten minutes, saying "you may not enter!"
Wife: I'm going to wine down
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 20, 2017
Me: You mean wind down
Wife: No
60% of parenting after dinner is your kids using you as a chair
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 24, 2017
What kind of sadist would schedule an early arrival day for a field trip the day after Daylight Saving Time starts?!?
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 13, 2017
You can ask your kids to get dressed 10 times, or just repeatedly bang your head into a wall.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 12, 2017
Each choice is equally effective.
Every day, my kids use 135 different cups.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 21, 2016
Hell hath no fury like a 6yo who had to turn his YouTube video off because it was time to eat.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 16, 2016
My 7yo just gave me a Christmas list...for his stuffed animal...in case you wanted to know what parenting is like
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 9, 2016
Me: What do you want for breakfast?
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 28, 2014
4yo: Toast
Me: *makes it, gives it to him
4yo: I didn't want it toasted!
Me: Wanna play?
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 21, 2016
7yos: No
Me: Wanna play?
7yos: No
Me: *starts working
7yo: WHY WON'T YOU EVER PLAY WITH US?!
7yo: *Super sad
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 25, 2016
Me: "Sometimes the tooth fairy gets really busy, son"
*Wife and I pantomime to each other "I thought you were going to..."
Imagine being a parent.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 17, 2016
Wrong.
Way more random used tissues all around the house.
A child's rate of speed is inversely proportional to how late you are in the morning
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 16, 2016
Not to brag, but it's 1 month into the school year and my 7yo has already lost 2 lunchboxes.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 6, 2016
Some Olympians have been training since they were 5.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 12, 2016
I'm hoping my 6yo comes home from summer camp today with 2 shoes on.
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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