CULTURE & ARTS

This Website Will Help You Find A Perfectly Timed Bathroom Read

Might as well use your poopin' time to take in some literature.
You can do better, man.
You can do better, man.

Today in websites you don't really need, but what the heck: Poopfiction.com, a website that allows users to find the perfect reading material for their trip to the bathroom.

Whether you think you'll need to be entertained (because defecating is sooo boring) for a short spell or are in it for the long haul, Poopfiction provides a range of reading times from one to two minutes to four minutes and up. (If your trip to the toilet is even shorter than that, forget the website and just whisper, "For sale: baby shoes, never worn" while you're in the stall. You've just recited an alleged Ernest Hemingway story!)

Most of the site's recommendations seem to be Aesop's fables and James Baldwin stories, likely because it pulls from Project Gutenberg, a database of public-domain literary works. So if you were looking for cutting-edge flash fiction, this isn't the place for it.

Also, it's hard to seriously want to use Poopfiction after reading all the studies that show just how much residual fecal matter chills on our cell phones. Surely, this would only make the problem worse -- and increase your chances of the dreaded phone-in-toilet scenario immeasurably.

Then again, science has shown that supposedly everything in our existence is essentially covered in poop -- now there's a metaphor! -- so this could just be a sign of the times.

Poopfiction is fun for a laugh, but perhaps its better to stick to ol' paper for your bathroom reading material. Or, you know, just stare at the wall until you're done. 

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