It seems each day’s headlines highlight another high profile politician, entertainer or business executive being accused of sexual misconduct. The activities themselves vary widely, including sexual harassment that may consist of verbal taunting, sexual innuendos, threats of career derailment and physical violence, inappropriate and unwanted physical and sexual contact and rape. Many of us feel betrayed each day by these famous men we have never even met in person. The topic is ubiquitous and discussed wherever two or more gather. Momentum continues to grow for holding individuals, and recently almost exclusively men, accountable for their sexual offenses. Clearly this is a moment in time for the tide to turn on this matter. It has been allowed to fester for far too long. Some however are struggling with this movement. Some are holding on tight, looking for ways to dismiss the dismal and pervasive reality of sexual assault and are questioning the validity of our society facing this shadow. Women who have the courage to speak out and be a part of the #metoo movement are being accused of lying because their stories are not coming out for years and even decades after the events. Accusations of political motivation and conspiracy abound. After all, if such traumatizing events really happened, they would have reported it when it happened, right? Wrong.
While sexual assault is not limited to women as victims, the reality is that 91% of the victims of rape and sexual assault are female. The scope of this problem is larger than we want to know. How bad is it in the U.S.? On average, there is a rape and sexual assault every 98 seconds. One in five adult women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives. One in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18 years old. These numbers are staggering and hard to fathom.
Such events have significant ramifications on the health of a society even beyond the trauma to the individual. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, annually, rape costs the U.S. more than any other crime ($127 billion) as compared to say, drunk driving ($61 billion).
The personal effects of such trauma are not isolated incidents and often last a lifetime. Studies show 81% of women report significant short and long-term impacts such as the development of mental health conditions such as depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). 30% of women report symptoms of PTSD 9 months after the rape, 33% of women who are raped contemplate suicide and 13% attempt suicide.
Certainly such offenses that traumatize victims would appear to demand vindication or justice, but here is the reality: rape is the most under-reported of crimes; 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police. Only 12% of child sexual abuse is reported to the authorities. More than 90% of sexual assault victims on college campuses do not report the assault. So sexual assault is rampant and a minority of these are being reported and the reported numbers alone are already mind numbing.
A major survey in the UK, highlights just how frightened women are to report such events and not be believed. More than 80 per cent of the 1,600 respondents in the study said they did not report their assault to the police, while 29 per cent said they told nobody – not even a friend or family member – of their ordeal.
Why would someone not report such an event? Do they not want to see responsibility be taken, justice served and others protected? This is a difficult topic for many to understand. Sexual assault is unique and has qualities very different than most other crimes. It traumatizes the very essence of a person, often making them question themselves and is imbued with elements of sexuality, violence and power imbalance. A brief list of explanations for lack of reporting studied include: self-blame or guilt, shame, embarrassment and a desire to keep the assault a private matter. Humiliation or fear of the perpetrator or other individual's perceptions. Fear of not being believed or of being accused of playing a role in the event. A lack of trust in the criminal justice system.
In working with hundreds of women who have experienced sexual trauma, here are some of the common fears that I have repeatedly seen regarding why they have kept silent:
- · These individuals often find themselves often feeling shame that shows up as wanting to hide and not draw further attention to themselves by reporting.
- · They blame and question themselves for having been too friendly or for not being able to have stopped it from happening. Victims of such acts do not often understand the biological mechanism of the “freeze response” that can take over the physiology of a person’s body, preventing them from fighting back or being able to escape the situation.
- · They often fear that they can't "prove" what happened without witnesses and given the statistics, that is a legitimate fear.
- · They fear telling anyone about it because of it inciting further questions and judgements regarding their sexual history which has no bearing on the current assault.
- · They fear that they are "damaged goods" to potential partners and they remain silent, not sharing with even their intimate relationships.
- · They fear of having to face their harasser or attacker in court or being called to the boardroom at work.
Making the conscious decision to state aloud the circumstances to authority figures, whether it be the police or in the workplace is not a simple one. This gets especially complicated when we know that in eight out of 10 cases of rape, the victim knew the person who sexually assaulted them and they are not strangers. Those who were assaulted must often continue to have to interact with their assaulters and do not always have the means to leave all their family and work environments and must continue in an environment in which they can often be judged and blamed and then must continue to live in a circumstance in which they now fear for their lives and well-being. So each of these individuals have to find a way forward, and often the reporting of what happened feels more traumatizing than keeping silent.
Those are just the conscious reasons for not reporting. For those who understand the deeper mechanisms of how sexual trauma affects the brain and body, there are even deeper less cognitive explanations for not reporting sexual trauma. The brain does its very best to compartmentalize, separate from and forget such events that literally go to the core of a person who is violated in such a way. Each person’s perception of sexual violence varies based upon their past life experiences. The longer a period that such memories are buried, the more difficult they are to face and be brought back out into the open and so often lay dormant for years and decades until…until circumstances arise that can provide a context of support or safety or the sense that they can find some retribution or justice when they did not believe it was possible initially.
As a society, we are seeing communities, school systems and even state legislatures that are beginning to become more “trauma informed.” The biological and psychological sequelae of trauma, especially sexual trauma can lead to deep seated feelings of a loss of feeling safe in many aspects of person’s life, to a loss of danger cues, the development of a loss of trust (especially in authority figures who were supposed to protect you), a deeply felt sense of shame, the loss of intimacy in close relationships, a disconnection and dissociation from ones emotions, a loss of felt connection to one’s own body, a loss of sense of self and a loss of self-worth. Not exactly the resources that enable a person to stand up in the spotlight and speak out against another, and commonly, more powerful individual. As if that is not enough, there is the phenomenon of what is referred to as re-enactment, which describes the repetition of similar circumstances that can often plague a person who has experienced such trauma.
Such unique factors speak specifically to the question of time limits for reporting sexual harassment and sexual violence. The healing of sexual trauma can take years if not decades to occur, if it ever fully does. The process is an individual one requiring patience, safety and effective therapeutic support and interventions. The re-living of the trauma which occurs with reporting, the facing of public opinion and the willingness to go public despite accusations of lying is a process that no one should have to go through, but the act of doing so, should have no time limitations as the journey is an individual one and should be honored.
Every person, and yes again, we are speaking primarily of women, that has been affected by sexual harassment or sexual violence, has their own unique story. Many have learned that they are questioned, shunned, judged, not believed, too sensitive, etc. and have learned to be silent when their expressions of outrage have landed on deaf ears for so long. We are now living in a time where the deafness has shown signs of lifting and there is a swelling of voices who have felt silenced. It is time. It will get messier. There is strength in numbers. Courage does grow in the company of others voices being raised. We are in a time in which many, and especially many men, will have to take responsibility for their pasts and a time of great healing for many can occur. This healing has only just begun.
Written by Craig Weiner and Alina Frank
Alina Frank is the author of How to Want Sex Again, healing from sexual trauma. Alina Frank and Craig Weiner are international presenters and trainers of trauma interventions including the Emotional Freedom Techniques and Matrix Reimprinting and are based on Whidbey Island, WA. http://www.alinafrank.com and http://www.EFTtappingtraining.com
Resources:
National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673)
National Sexual Violence Resource Center https://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf
National Inst. Of Justice https://www.nij.gov/topics/crime/rape-sexual-violence/Pages/rape-notification.aspx
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/unreported-rapes-the-silent-shame-7561636.html
Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, National Crime Victimization Survey, 2010-2014 (2015).
Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Socio-emotional Impact of Violent Crime (2014).
ECHO Parenting and Education Network http://www.echoparenting.org/resources/ (see above graphic)
D.S. Riggs, T. Murdock, W. Walsh, A prospective examination of post-traumatic stress disorder in rape victims. Journal of Traumatic Stress 455-475 (1992).
J. R. T. Davidson & E. B. Foa (Eds.) Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: DSM-IV and Beyond. American Psychiatric Press: Washington, DC. (pp. 23-36).
DG Kilpatrick, CN Edumuds, AK Seymour. Rape in America: A Report to the Nation. Arlington, VA: National Victim Center and Medical University of South Carolina (1992).