To The Father of My Children

06/16/2017 12:58 pm ET
Ana Mayer

Becoming a father was a long difficult road for you, and not because of you but because of me. My infertility struggles put you through stuff that you shouldn’t have gone through. My pregnancy loss rendered you in a very tough spot, having to keep strong and bottling up feelings of confusion and sadness in order to be there for me. You endured years of me crying every time the pregnancy test came back negative, every time I got my period, every time I learned someone else got pregnant “out of nowhere”. You had to adapt to “our” new dietary restrictions and supplement taking, and every little trick in the book (like no cold beverages ever, so say goodbye to that beer), and getting those swimmers checked (and therefore having to make “friends” with the doctor’s office chair). My infertility was not my fault, but I feel the need to say I’m sorry.

Most importantly I would like to say thank you. Thank you for being there, for helping me up when I was down, for encouraging me to try the alternatives, for helping me open my eyes and my possibilities. Thank you for putting up with my mood swings, my tantrums, my dark days. Thank you for staying with me along the way. Thank you for helping me keep the faith and give it “one more try” because that last “one more try” gave me the biggest gift ever. It gave me two wonderful, challenging, amazing little miracles, our kids.

Life presented challenges we never saw coming. I’m sure those challenges will keep coming our way, but we are now better and stronger than before. I know I have a strong partner by my side, someone I can count on to listen and comfort me. Someone who will not let me feel defeated early on, who will be there until the end. Someone who isn’t afraid to feel however he feels and then put the pieces back together and keep on fighting.

I know there’s a ton like you out there keeping the struggles secret because us women don’t feel comfortable talking about it. I know there needs to be more awareness to the fact that miscarriage and infertility take a toll on men as well. So to those I say, stay strong but acknowledge whatever you feel. Give yourself the chance to get mad, let it all out. And when the storm has passed, wether you accomplish parenthood or not, give yourself the credit you deserve. Without you, us struggling women would simply fall apart. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

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