Let’s be honest: You know you’d be curious about Trump TV ― the presumed fallback venture for GOP candidate Donald Trump if he loses the election. We certainly would be. Trump, a car crash that learned how to walk and wear suits, is addicted to attention, and the media is addicted to giving him attention. None of that will change if he loses to Hillary Clinton. Trump himself said this week that he has “no interest in Trump TV,” but Trump says a lot of things, so it’s worth at least speculating about what the network would look like.
The enterprise would definitely have potential, at least for the Trump base and America’s most committed hate-watchers. As a streaming and cable TV star, Trump would be second to none. He’d be capable of gobbling the Kardashians’ lunch, dinner and the next day’s elevenses. How could he not? As the poet Patricia Lockwood has said, Trump is “human meth” ― a singularly galvanizing and destructive blend of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Beavis and Butt-Head, Michael Moore, Alex Jones, George Wallace, Benito Mussolini and Vince the ShamWow Guy.
And if you think about it, he’s made it this far based on little more than a skill set gleaned from years in the reality-teevee trenches and a lifelong fascination with television. So it really could work.
But even Donald Trump can’t be on the air all the time ― not even on his own network. He’d need a programming schedule of shows, just like on any other channel. And so on this week’s First To Last, we’ve put one together. The only thing we really can’t account for is whether Vladimir Putin would be a contributor or a competitor. (Both, probably.)