"Seize this very minute; What you can do, or dream you can, begin it; Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." -- Goethe
If you've read my previous blogs, you know I'm a seeker. I'm interested in progress, and living the best life on every level. I subscribe to the "relationships are assignments" credo and believe "everything is good for something." That is, not every relationship has to be "The One" to be important. And I do believe in love, very much. I'm optimistic, I'm not jaded (at all), and by nature, I'm a risk-taker... so when I tell you, "Try the octopus," you know from where such a comment cometh.
I was at dinner with Paula, one of my dearest friends from WAY back, I mean way back to shoulder pads and duster earrings. We'd sold pagers together (yes, remember those?). She is a heart friend -- the kind who flies across the country on two days' notice, because I was leaving a broken marriage from someone I had loved very much and she knew I did not need to be alone. And besides being a woman of deep heart, loyalty, authenticity and wisdom, Paula is also an uber foodie, epicurean and wine connoisseur, my go-to when I need to pick out a bottle or a glass.
So, when she wanted to order octopus at our friend's Greek restaurant, I said "yes" even though a moment earlier, I'd said "Paula, I don't like octopus."
You know why I tried it ? First, because I trust her implicitly regarding food -- she knows food --and second, because I caught myself. I thought, "That's not you, Judy... You try the octopus!" And when I did, I loved it! I mean, I REALLY loved it!
Very soon after, when I had lunch with an old boyfriend and he said he was on and liked Tinder, I was like, "HUH??? YOU are on Tinder??? Tinder is a "HOOK-UP" site!" (He does not strike me as the "hook-up" type of guy, which was part of why I was drawn to him.)
In that moment, I decided to "try the octopus" again, as it were... against my meditating, spiritually trained doula, conscious future yoga teacher, "this seems icky" first instinct.
First, I downloaded the Tinder app -- easy enough -- check. I uploaded photos -- easy -- check. I wrote a little bio and "I'm not here for a hook-up, I'm curious." Then, I spent the night with my favorite person on earth and we swiped away. All the while, she gave commentary on each guy, like Mystery Science Theater. "Dude does not know how to selfie!" "PUT your shirt back ON!" You know... like that. All to hysterical laughter and occasional intrigue.
Shazam! The next day, my Tinder box had several "mutual matches." I will stop and say I do love this feature, as it cuts down on the volume of email and uncomfortable feelings around online dating. To be honest, I was shocked, because I had figured Tinder for the more "visual," less "spiritual" crowd.
So guess what? I had a great time and met some awesome guys, who were also interested in meeting someone who was healthy, active and on the spiritual path. (For real!)
Here's what I now know about Tinder, from a conscious woman's perspective: It's like the grocery store -- there are people there for all sorts of reasons, spanning from one end of the spectrum to the other. There's the sadist offering to "train" you to the evangelical CEO who made it clear that Christ was first and foremost in his life. However, I met nice guys, made new friends and had fun. I saw profiles with no words--this might be the "hook-up' clue... SWIPE left. And I read some really cute ones. My all-time favorite was from an adorable doctor:
"Not sure exactly how this thing works...
Some things I dislike include Twizzlers, the smell of wet dogs (though I love dogs!), raw tomatoes, parallel parking, Obamacare (most doctors don't), and ear wax.
Things I like: napping, being in the front of the line, the smell of dryer sheets, sunscreen, breakfast, and very occasionally finishing family-size servings of junk food in one sitting (though I usually eat healthy)."
PRECIOUS!!!
One of the strangest side-effects of my Tinder experience was the visibility it provides: people approached me at Starbucks and Whole Foods saying, "I just saw you on Tinder!" (The app has a GPS feature, caveat emptor.)
So whats my take? I personally much prefer the organic way: meeting at a party, at the coffee shop, at Whole Foods, through friends... but my adventure onto Tinder deeply reinforced two things I live by: "Water seeks its own level" -- in other words, we draw to us what we are about.
And, "Try the dang octopus, Intrepid One... you never know."