The 'Underbelly Of Parenting' That No One Wants To Talk About

When you have a child, it's completely typical to see parallels between you and your little one. A similar quirk, a shared interest, the same natural talents -- whatever it may be, many parents thrive on these commonalities. However, says Dr. Shefali Tsabary, many parents also take this "mini-me" mindset too far.

In giving a 27-minute talk for OWN's "SuperSoul Sessions" speaker series, Dr. Shefali cautioned against viewing your child as your "mini-me." It's a dangerous way to think, says the psychologist and author.

"The underbelly of parenting -- which no one wants to talk about -- is our parental thirst for superiority and the longevity of our ego," Dr. Shefali says. "No one wants to hear this, but you have to."

Whether you actively encourage a child to follow in your footsteps or you push a child to fulfill a dream that once slipped out of your grasp, what you're actually doing, Dr. Shefali explains, is stifling your child -- and building up your own ego.

"Our children are not our easels upon which we get to paint the life we never had," she continues. "Our children are not the diamonds and the jewels you get to adorn yourself with to mask your emptiness. And your children are not your puppets by which you get to fake an authentic life."

To empower your children, you must give up "your superiority," Dr. Shefali says. Doing this not only helps them, but it can also have a therapeutic effect on you.

"This is the only way what we suffered as children can be redeemed. Only through the liberation of our children can we make sense of what we went through," she points out.

So take a step back and look closely at your parent-child dynamic. Don't project your dreams onto your kids, Dr. Shefali urges. "Your children do not need that burden on their shoulders."

Another parenting insight from Dr. Shefali:

What the "conscious parent" understands that many others don't