We don't usually think of having a respite in our lives as part of what might be necessary to our physical, mental and emotional health. Certainly we don't yet consider a stay at a spa as part of any national health insurance plan. However, I have often imagined the building of a "sanity spa" to recover, rebuild or create a sense of clarity of feeling and direction. Although a spa is not exactly therapeutic in the strictest sense, it does provide guests fun, stillness, a variety of activities and a community that nourishes a sense of belonging and of increased knowledge -- in short, respite.
When you think about it, the benefits of such a retreat might actually be cost-effective -- that is, if, as a society, we were intent on providing ourselves and others with the wellness of body, mind and spirit as essential to an appreciation of regulating our own emotions and appreciating the diversity of opinion and culture. Frankly, a week at a spa doesn't seem nearly as costly as our general trend of immersing ourselves in one cause only, the steadfast pursuit of lifestyles and goals that give us no more than temporary satisfaction at best. Politically, we are for the most part far from the collaborative spirit necessary to a real democracy. Instead, we get pumped up to defeat the next enemy, after which there is little leverage for whatever programs might be of importance to us.
Recently I visited a spa as a guest speaker. I was there to present the topic of "Feelings fitness," a new therapeutic approach that I am co-developing. The assumption here is that fitness must include emotional fitness, which in turn includes resilience, flexibility and boundaries. It involves teaching ourselves and our kids how emotions grow and can be integrated in all their shades of nasty and nice so that those emotions can be tamed instead of going where they usually do -- into compartments of hiding or, most commonly, toward demonizing those whom we can justify hating and, in some cases, killing.
If we are to take true respite, we will also need to realize that many of us are more trapped than we realize, because we tend to see only what we already believe.
Taking a respite means, conceivably, that we take a time out and a space out to evaluate -- to question. We need time to consider our fears and then alternatives, the ways in which we conduct our lives, and how our fears and prejudices rule even those among us who feel ever so liberated.
If we are to be on the side of liberation, we can't do so without the questioning. And that is why we spas with therapeutic value until insurance covers a sanity spa -- a replacement for a looney bin in many cases, for those of us whose health depends on evaluating and shifting gears.
So a spa? Really? Is it okay to consider a place where physical fitness meets nutrition and community of the type that we rarely -- much too rarely -- have in our lives unless we worship the same gods of our childhood and have our traditions and extended families still near?
Of course, this is all a rhetorical question for me. I predict that some readers' opinions are that a "spa" is only for the rich and entitled, so why bring it up at all, especially if we are to consider ourselves truly progressive?
And yet a spa, even if only as a metaphor, is potentially a destination that we need to visit, study and copy as best we can, because it allows the very respite from the madness of most of our lives that affords us the necessary breathing, reflection and contrast. Imagine a place where it is compulsory to disconnect from cell phones and television, and where Internet access is severely restricted. Imagine entering a world of amazing fitness potentials for fun, like the hilarity and vigor of water classes or African dance lessons. Imagine hiking or even just strolling through hundreds of flowers and fauna with fresh rosemary and sage all around. Imagine shifting from fast food to true slow food experiences of both local and organic products.
To take respite is to live with exuberance.
Consider also the concept of respite as both a rest and an interruption of our same ways of believing in the gods of the moment and adhering to competition and self-righteousness, which often keep us divided from both ourselves and each other. And consider madness the inability to use knowledge and evidence to solve problems, and there you have much of the way our society is running.
We have ample information about how to counter depression and ignorance and how to nourish curiosity and exuberance in our children. Yet while those who robbed us go free with their riches, our school budgets continue to be cut. There is obviously a gap in what we "know" and what we allow ourselves to know fully. The more we are victims of our belief systems, even when they are countered by hard evidence and the light of knowledge, there is a bit of insanity at play.
And so, yes, we need respite.
For us to be emotionally fit, we need space to question our assumptions. Self-righteousness, perhaps, needs to be questioned as well, since doing so becomes another way to deny our participation in the overabundance of hatred between party, ethnic and racial lines. Emotional congestion can be alleviated, but only with a dose of feelings fitness. I would love to say, "See you at the spa," and I do recommend going there for those who can. In the meanwhile, we need to invent here, too, amongst ourselves. How then?
Let me say that I'm working on it, and feel free to collaborate.
Yours,
Inventing a Therapy