Utah Valley University Has A 'Poop Bandit,' Student Newspaper Editor Issues Challenge

Students at Utah Valley University say a so-called "Poop Bandit" is starting sh*t by spreading feces on bathroom mirrors.

Dan Reimold, a blogger for The Huffington Post and a historian of campus media, reported on College Media Matters that this bandit makes a mess for the university's custodial staff once a week, noting that students not only see the display but are also forced to see themselves through it.

Ew.

But Reimond notes the vile circumstance may have produced the student press column of the year. Jonathan Boldt, editor-in-chief of the student newspaper, the UVU Review, has strong words of warning for the perp:

I only have one thing to say to the Poop Bandit: Run and hide. You haven’t been caught, nobody knows who you are and trust me, this is not the kind of publicity you want. All eyes are now on the lookout for you, and if and when you are caught, the full force and power of the student body will drop the hammer of justice on you without a hint of compassion.

We may not know who you are yet, but when we catch you, just remember you left your DNA all over the crime scene.

Strangely -- and perhaps a reflection of the depravity of the human condition -- the UVU smearer has Google competition for his "poop bandit" title. Two teens were charged in 2010 for wrecking a fancy swimming pool at the Renaissance Vinoy Resort and Golf Club, and Wonkette reports that a "defecating terrorist" did the deed in several rooms of the Minnesota Homeland Security building in 2008.