I was born in 1979, which makes me 38. How did that happen? Just the other day I was starting high school and having panic attacks. Those were the days. Now I’m in my late 30’s. I can barely stand to say that. I was just in my mid-30’s. Anyway, I have so many friends who aren’t married. They’re living the high life, going to bars and having sex with random people. Then, I have my friends who got married either in their late 20’s or early 30’s. Some of them are happy or at least they appear to be on social media. And then I have a large percentage of friends who are divorced or in the process of getting divorced.
I made a joke with one of my friends that we all get married in our 20’s and then we get divorced in our 30’s. Good times, good times. I have some friends who are extremely religious and their values cause them angst regarding separation or divorce. I can understand and respect their feelings on the matter, but at the same time I have trouble comprehending staying with a partner you’re not compatible with. That seems like a terrible way to live your life. It’s living in denial, which isn’t the way to achieve happiness.
Then again, you might be considering leaving your spouse/partner and getting divorced. Maybe you’re separated and ambivalent about the decision. I totally get it. This is when it’s time to make the decision, do you stay or do you go? As the Rolling Stones said once. If you want to stay together, it takes a lot of work. From what I’ve seen, people who make it work despite their differences go to couples counseling. Some folks are resistant to this, but I don’t understand why. Maybe it’s because I’ve been in couples counseling before and I liked my experience for the most part. And even if you want to separate or get divorced, going to counseling is a great way to do that peacefully. There are so many ways to get counseling out there whether you go in person or learn about online couples counseling as an option. There are ways to work on your relationship, especially if you believe that there’s hope for you two.
I’ve heard the divorce rate in America is high. My theory on this is because people meet, they grow apart and then they move on. Relationships take work, and it can feel exhausting and even hopeless. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’ve heard friends tell me that they’re considering divorce. What I tell them is this: if you truly believe that there’s hope for your relationship, then try counseling. Sometimes it’s hard to see outside of yourself, your feelings and the relationship. You need another person to help you navigate these complex emotions associated with a troubled relationship. Especially when you’re both emotionally charged. A counselor can see both sides, and help the couple understand each other’s perspectives.
If your relationship is struggling right now, would you consider couple’s counseling? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Can you save your relationship?