This question originally appeared on Quora.
Serve, soften, and endure.
I have known some good, strong, capable men. It took me a few decades to realize that the very best one I've ever known was my own dad.
My father is what is known as "a stand-up guy." I've never seen him tell a lie -- not because I couldn't detect it, but because he just doesn't do it. I know of just one that he told, a long time ago, when he was 17 -- he told the U.S. government that he was 18, so that he could fight for his country.
This he did ably, through two wars, but like most people who've known combat for years, he had some healing to do when he came home. That didn't happen overnight. My mom says he was a little twitchy when he returned from Korea, waking up with shouts, sleeping with a gun nearby.
By the time my sisters and I appeared, though, he had softened himself enough that he was invariably kind to us, to our friends, to his crazy in-laws, to everyone else he encountered. He turned himself into a reliably sweet fellow.
My father lost his first son, my older brother, at birth, something that would embitter many people. He endured that and a great deal more, including a thousand indignities imposed by me under the influence of testosterone, horsepower, and stupidity.
Now, in old age, he endures spending a third of his time getting skin cancers carved off:
And another third is spent getting cornea transplants. He's had seven in one eye:
I get grumpy when I have a cold. He just keeps walking, just keeps softening --
and just keeps enduring. He is one of the most quietly hilarious people I've ever known, even in dark hours. Until he was 83, he was the oldest living professional airshow pilot in the country, something he loved doing, something he was extremely good at:
(He designed that paint job, too. Beautiful, isn't it?!)
Then they saw a little blip in his EKG and discovered that his aorta was 100% occluded, and that the capillaries in his heart had wrapped around it, like morning glories around a redwood tree, to carry blood past the blockage. They don't let you fly low and fast over a bunch of people in that state, and they won't crack your chest open at that age, either.
I was there on the day he sold an airplane he flew every day, maintained every inch of, recovered, put new engines in, for twenty years:
I thought he'd be dead in a year, but that was over five years ago. He hasn't been sitting around complaining either. He never does that. He's been loving my mom and mowing the yard and cleaning the house and vacuuming the pool and having breakfast with his buddies and helping folks out, me included, maybe me most of all.
Service, softening, endurance. That's what you get from my father.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.