The Quiet Revolution has been a crucial piece of my personal development path and quest for self-acceptance. Learning the language of introversion was powerful for me, and helped me develop the skills required to care for myself. I have learned how to manage social situations and my energy stores and given myself permission to take the ample alone time that I require.
The one thing I haven’t come to terms with is interruptions.
I realize that extroverts and introverts alike are interrupted, and though I have never dealt with interruptions from an extrovert perspective, it made sense to me when a very extroverted friend of mine said that she doesn’t let interruptions phase her, she just turns up the volume and outlasts the competition. For me, that would be an extreme last resort, unthinkable in polite social settings.
As an introvert, I speak slowly, softly, and deliberately, with frequent pauses to carefully chose words and make sure I’m communicating in the most effective way possible, and that makes me an interruption magnet.
So imagine this: I commit to a social engagement, prepare myself to be outgoing by making sure to relax ahead of time so I’m up for it, I bust through the anticipatory anxiety I get before every outing, and show up at a gathering. Once there, I endure the perfunctory small talk, and find a group of people with whom I either have meaningful relationships, or whose discussion fascinates me, and broach the periphery. I know that I will need to round up my reserves of assertion in order to jump into the fray, but I have something meaningful to add, so I raise my voice and blurt, “I was reading an article about that exact thing and...” someone else is talking. So I regroup, prepared to raise my voice another couple of decibels, and jump in a little quicker and get even less out than the first time. I often try a 3rd and 4th time, but more often than not the conversational train has moved on long before I get the chance to say my piece. After a few tries I’m deflated, unable to conjure the energy to keep asserting myself.
By the time I’ve spent an hour in a group conversation this scenario has repeated itself several times over. Before long my throat hurts, I’m tired, and I just want to go home. The exception occurs when I can pair off with someone with similar interests and quietly enjoy an in depth, give and take conversation.
More likely than not, after any social outing I go home wondering why I bothered, and when that happens interruption is always the culprit.
So what’s my point? Why am I writing this? Yes, to a certain extent, this is a rant. I’m tired of it, I want people to just shut up sometimes.
More than that, though I am convinced that people don’t even notice that they’re doing it. My extrovert friend has told me to kick her under the table or give her a look when she interrupts me, because she doesn’t even realize it’s happening in the moment. But what I really want is for her to try on my shoes a minute. To pause to consider how it feels to be the interruptee. To be mindful of her own conversational habits instead of always railroading ahead. I’m certain that it’s not just us introverts who would benefit.
Follow Alethea at Ben’s Writing, Running Mom.