Why Do Women Stay In Destructive Relationships

03/02/2017 08:28 am ET Updated Mar 03, 2017

You are the victim of a destructive relationship pattern and you know it.

But while your heart knows it, your head still can’t believe how you’ve gotten to this point.

It started a long time ago and you didn’t know that a pattern of destructive relationships had been born.

Every time you met a man he started to treat you like a queen, but then as time went on, he started to get angrier and angrier over trivial things.

Then he started telling you how bad of a person you are, and that no one but him would be able to stand you.

Then one day, he started to push you hard enough that you landed against a wall or on the floor, or maybe he grabbed you by the collar and broke that golden chain you had around your neck for as long you can remember.

You started to feel worthless and maybe deserving of his anger while at the same time you were asking yourself the question; am I being abused?

Do you recognize yourself?

This was me for over two decades of my life. If there was a bad guy out there I was going to find him or he was going to find me for sure.

I was always attracting men who abused me emotionally, verbally and at times physically.

When it came to destructive relationship patterns I was the queen of it and believe me if I tell you that it was a very lonely place to be in.

I personally didn’t know anyone going through was I was going through in my entourage. It seemed that this was happening only to me.

Of course, it wasn’t.

The bright side of it all it’s that if this had not happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to help victims of bad relationship patterns today.

After all, the best way to understand someone’s situation is by having been in that situation yourself.

But why women keep up with this? Why women endure bad relationships years after years?

Here are a few pointers.

- They’ve Never Known any other Type of Relationship

The abused woman syndrome is real, but it doesn’t happen by accident. It happens to women who attract the type of men that will gravitate to their kind.

Usually women with a history of abusive relationships which has started in their childhood.

That woman has been the witness of abuse or has been abused herself as a child. The perfect recipe for attracting an abusive man as an adult.

- They have Low Self-Esteem

It’s interesting to note that while a woman can be very successful in her career and other areas of life, she could have low self-esteem and a very negative image of herself when it comes to relationships.

I have had a couple of clients with rather prestigious careers while being totally different as wives at home.

While this may seem odd to some, it is not as rare as you may think, because the relationship pattern of a woman goes back to her subconscious programming in regards to this specific area, not necessarily in regards to any other area of her life.

Abused women are found in every level of social class.

- They are Financially Strapped

Being financially strapped can be an extremely strong motivator for enduring emotional and even physical abuse, especially if children are involved.

What a woman might not be willing to endure on her own, she will be willing to endure to make sure that her children have a roof over their heads.

This makes a woman even number to her abuse because at this point she’s not enduring it for herself, but for the survival of her children.

She’s become the sacrifice of a good cause. And what makes it even worse it’s that her abusive partner knows it and will take advantage of the situation.

- They Become Indoctrinated

We associate the term indoctrination with cults for the most part, but indoctrination happens everywhere.

Women who have been in a lifelong bad relationship pattern comes to believe that it’s normal and that as far as she’s concerned that’s how it’s always been and that’s how it will probably always be.

In some cases, she’s still in love, and if she mistreated it’s because she deserves it.

She is more or less unconsciously willing to settle for what she has and what she’s always known.

Thankfully some women do wake up and are able to escape their imprisonment from bad relationship syndrome/pattern and are eventually able to resume a normal relationship life with the proper help.

Take control of your life as a woman and learn how to choose your relationship by attracting the man of your dreams.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

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