Just yesterday, a two-week empty nest experience came to a sudden halt when our college freshman returned home. It came as no surprise when she asked our opinions in the morning. During those two weeks of living on campus -- just twenty minutes from home -- she rarely had anything positive to say about dorm life or classes.
Yesterday, just thirty minutes before class was to begin, she offered her proposition. She asked if she could leave college, move back home, get a job, come up with a plan and then commute to another college beginning in January. As I mentioned, this was somewhat expected so my husband and I agreed that it was her choice to do as she wished.
Were there signs that this might happen? Absolutely! There were signs last year when even discussing college applications seemed to stress her. Colleges we visited that my husband and I thought were wonderful were not the least bit appealing to our daughter.
And then there was that acceptance deadline. After getting accepted by all five of the colleges she applied to, making that final decision seemed daunting. But she made what we thought was the best choice for her. She was able to be close to home while attending an outstanding university.
Still, yesterday happened and our eighteen-year-old was back home. Looking for some online support with my decision to support her choice, I came across a compelling article in the Huffington Post titled: Why I Never Let My Kids Quit... Anything by Mary Dell Harrington and Lisa Endlich Heffernan. These moms wrote a persuasive article with solid ideas that make a lot of sense. I understand their point and yet I disagree.
I let my kid quit... and it wasn't even the first time. An ironic twist here is that this same university actually offered this same kid a sports scholarship when she was just a high school sophomore and she turned it down. Later, during her junior year, she quit the sport.
As Harrington and Heffernan point out, there is tremendous benefit in developing a stick-to-it approach to life. Giving things a chance can absolutely lead to greater satisfaction in the short term and even genuine happiness in the longer term.
My daughter achieved happiness yesterday. By her own admission, she is happier than she's been in a long time. She's feeling relieved and she's feeling supported. From my perspective, this is what matters most. It didn't require her struggling through a few more weeks or months to possibly get acclimated to school and it didn't require a battle between us.
After having my share of struggles with our older daughter, I have come to believe that these kids of ours come into this world with an innate wisdom that we have no way of understanding. To claim that I know what's right for any of my three kids better than they know for themselves would be a lie.
Taking the traditional college path may work for some. I've also met enough highly accomplished individuals to know there certainly are other paths to success. Some may call it quitting. I think trailblazing is the more appropriate term here.
Staying with an activity or situation can be draining. Quitting has the ability to free up huge amounts of energy that can then be poured into other things.
Of course, there are no guarantees that my daughter will pour her newfound energy into things that make her happier. But as her parent, I'm happy to allow her the freedom to figure things out with my support.